Thank you, Mr. Jackpots!”
Cooper has earned himself the nickname Mr. Jackpots to the delight of the crazy old lady and to the distress of the casino staff because he’s won 30 mega jackpots. But Cooper is still intending to call for help. Before he can continue this journey, Dougie’s friend, Bill Shaker of Allied Chemicals, approaches him with a cute blond.
Cooper expresses his desire to go home. They help him figure out where his home is:
Lancelot Court, near Merlin’s Market. The house with the red door. This is all eerily familiar, yes? The opening of the Black Lodge is in a place called Glastonbury Groves, which is King Arthur’s burial ground. (Insert Pete Martell saying, “King Arthur’s buried in England!”)
As he heads to the door, casino staff once again interrupts Cooper. The casino manager gives him his comically large bag of winnings. It’s like one of those bags in a Looney Tunes cartoon. There’s a camera watching them and Cooper becomes fixated on it for a moment. “That’s right, we’re watching you, Mr. Jones.” He says his last name like he doesn’t believe that he is “Dougie Jones.” Does he know it’s Cooper? Or is it more innocent than that? Who’s watching them? The Mulholland Drive guy from a couple parts ago? The billionaire who funded the glass box?
A limo takes Cooper home and the driver helps him locate the right house. Cooper is startled when he comes to open the door, then stands awkwardly on his lawn by the driver’s side. An owl hoots nearby.
Naomi Watts (of Lynch’s Mulholland Drive), who plays his wife, Janey-E, emerges from the red door. She’s wearing a pink cardigan, an outfit eerily similar to Betty’s in Mulholland Drive. Perhaps it’s just a coincidence. But I don’t think anything is ever a coincidence in Lynch productions. (Especially since I believe Twin Peaks and Mulholland Drive take place in the same ~universe~.)
Janey-E is not happy with him and slaps him because Dougie missed Sonny-Jim’s birthday and has clearly been missing for a few days. Poor Cooper is so confused. All is forgiven, however, when she starts riling through the big bag of money. “There’s enough here to pay them back! This is the most wonderful, horrible day of my life.” This line reminded me of Donna in the pilot: “It’s like I am having the most beautiful dream and the most terrible nightmare at once.”
Back in Philadelphia, Gordon meets with the FBI Chief of Staff, who is DENISE!! I love Denise. They have a lovely reunion. Someone’s brought Denise flowers. A secret admirer perhaps? But Denise teases Gordon about his fondness for young, sexy agents, but he counters with knowing a good agent when he sees them, regardless of their appearance.
“Before you were Denise, when you were Dennis and I was your boss. I had you working undercover at the DEA. You were a confused and wild thing sometimes. I had enough dirt on you to fill the Grand Canyon. And I never used a spoonful because you were and are a great agent. And when you became Denise, I told all your colleagues, those clown comics to fix their hearts or die.”
What a fabulous, important speech. I hope that’s not the last we’ll be seeing of Denise.
In Twin Peaks, Lucy still cannot seem to figure out how cellphones work. She’s very attached to her regular phone. For those who were supremely weirded out by this scene, there’s a similar one in Fire Walk With Me (although it’s a deleted scene) where Lucy is trying to contact Harry and Andy on a radio in the station and starts talking to herself after they stop answering. She goes to find them and runs into Andy in the hallway, shrieking.
So, she shrieks when Harry S. Truman’s brother, Frank Truman, played by Lynch alum Robert Forester, appears in the station on his iPhone. Andy soothes her as best he can, with lots of “punkys.”
We see Bobby Briggs for the first time again. He’s a deputy now. You might ask, how the heck did a drug-dealing teenager who killed a guy become a deputy? Well, my headcanon is that, after he got his shit straight with Shelly and his father died, he was determined to be a good guy and honor the memory of his father. So, Sheriff Truman took him under his wing and mentored him to a different path.
When Bobby enters the conference room to discuss the Log Lady’s message to Hawk, he sees a picture of Laura Palmer and completely breaks down. This is half hilarious, half heartbreaking because they’re playing the Laura Palmer theme music and his face is so dramatic. I’ll be honest, I cry-laughed the first time I saw this scene. I wanted to comfort that poor idiot even though I was laughing.
“Laura Palmer? Man… brings back some memories.”
You know who else appears? Some dumb, dumb dickbag named Chad. Chads always seem to be the worst, right? He makes fun of the Log Lady for being crazy, and Andy is all of us in this scene. HE’S READY TO FIGHT. “That’s enough, Chad.” Thank you, Sheriff Truman. Anyway, Bobby explains that Agent Cooper visited his dad, Major Briggs, right before his dad died in a fire the day after.
“Cooper was the last person to see my father alive.”
Another deputy appears informing them all that Andy & Lucy’s son, Wally Brando has come to pay his respects to Sheriff Truman. And as many of us predicted, Andy and Lucy’s son is played by Michael Cera. This scene is the greatest and the most hilarious. I cannot stop laughing the entire time it’s happening. In case you missed it in part 1, Andy tells us that Wally was born on the same day as Marlon Brando. So, he just completely adapted that personality. He’s basically just doing an impression of him and wearing the exact same outfit as Marlon Brando’s character biker Johnny Strabler from “The Wild One” while speaking like the Godfather. It’s just fucking great.
My family, my friend, I’ve crisscrossed this great land of ours countless times. I hold the map of it here, in my heart. Next to the joyful memories of the carefree days I spent as a young boy here in your beautiful town of Twin Peaks. From Alexandria, VA, to Stockton, CA, I think about Lewis and his friend Clark, the first Caucasian to see this part of the world. Their footsteps have been the highways ad byways of my days on the road. My shadow is always with me. Sometimes ahead. Sometimes behind. Sometimes to the left. Sometimes to the right. Except on cloudy day or at night.”
The camera shifts to Sheriff Truman several times during Wally’s speech as though his patience is being seriously tested. But he’s just like, alright, this is happening. And he can’t be rude because Andy and Lucy are the proudest parents with the biggest, goofiest smiles on their faces.
May the road rise up to meet your wheels.”
“That’s a lovely turn of phase, thank you. My dharma is the road. Your dharma…”
Back in Las Vegas, Cooper wakes in Dougie’s room. Janey-E has laid out a terrible chartreuse suit for him. As he tries to figure out how to get dressed, he senses something in the corner of the room. He sees The One-Armed Man reaching out to him. “You see my don’t you? You were tricked.” He holds up the gold ball that was Dougie. “Now, one of you must die.” And that means BobCooper must die if Cooper wants to stay. BobCooper has messed up the natural order of the Black Lodge with his trick.
After a ridiculous scene in which Cooper re-learns how to “go potty,” he looks in the mirror wearing almost identical PJs from his last scene in season 2. He stares at his reflection, touches the mirror, remembering… something. Did he see what BOB did with his body? Was he watching somehow?
As Cooper gets dressed, he sees Dougie’s son, Sonny Jim in the hallway. He gives Cooper a thumbs up and Cooper touches a certain spot on his abdomen – where he was shot by Josie…? And then he gives his ‘son’ the thumbs up, making Sonny Jim giggle. This is (obviously) eerily similar to the opening scene of season 2 with the old butler/waiter guy and the glass of milk. That’s also my favorite scene in the whole series. “Does this include gratuity?”
Cooper enters the kitchen with his tie on his head because he literally has no clue how to do anything. Sonny-Jim even has to show him how to sit down at the table and how to eat pancakes Janey-E cooks for them. There’s some fun jazzy music playing (“Take Five by Dave Brubeck), and an owl cookie jar just CASUALLY placed behind Cooper. Janey-E gives him a cup of coffee in a mug that says, “I am Dougie’s Coffee.” This seems to trigger something for Cooper. He takes a big gulp and spits it out after burning his mouth. But he’s super happy when he looks at Janey-E. “HI!!!!!!” I love this scene so much. Cooper, my precious, I hope that coffee helped bring you back to us more.
Here’s a fun thing someone in a Twin Peaks community with too much time on their hands discovered: DOUGIE, SONNY JIM, JANEY-E is an anagram for: MY ANNIE JOSIE JUDY – GONE
Man, I hope that’s intentional because what a mindfuck this show is. If that’s not just an eerie coincidence, I’ll be shocked. If it’s intentional, then Lynch and Frost are geniuses.
But these characters are all so weird that it makes me think they might be manufactured as well. Granted, people like Lucy and Andy are weird AF so who knows. Janey-E is just so dramatic in her exasperation of Dougie that she really reminds me a lot of Betty in Mulholland Drive. That just adds to me suspicion.
Gordon, Albert, and Tammy arrive in South Dakota to visit Cooper.
We’re not anywhere near Mount Rushmore.”
“I brought a picture for you.”
“There they are, Albert. Faces of stone.
“Agent Preston gets carsick.”
“Albert, we’re in South Dakota. Cossacks are in Russia.”
“Up on the wrong side of bed this morning, huh, Albert?”
BobCooper’s garmonbozia vomit sent the two cops who found him to the hospital. In his trunk, police found a shotgun, cocaine, and a dog’s severed leg. “What, no cheese and crackers?” God, I love Albert.
Fun fact: BobCooper’s ID has the same birthday as Bill Hastings aka Shaggy.
“Holy jumpin’ Goerge.” The moment they see BobCooper, Gordon and Albert can tell something’s wrong. He gives a strange, slow thumbs up. Plus, BobCooper starts his sentence backward if you listen yrev closely: “It’s yrev, very good to see you again, old friend.”
BobCooper’s speech is deep and slow, like he’s concentrating hard on making sure his speech is forward and that he’s saying the right thing. This whole scene is truly terrifying and creepy. He tells Gordon, he’s been working undercover with Jeffries.
I need to be debriefed by you about this work, Gordon. I will tell you the whole story. All its twists and turns. I was going to do so. I was on my way to present it to you. I was a little bit behind schedule when my car veered over across the road and I had my accident.”
This is clearly not the way normal Cooper would speak to Gordon. And it’s especially strange when he repeats some of these sentences again. He says he left messages so Phillip would know it’s safe.
Albert and Gordon have a private discussion about what happened when they saw Cooper. Albert confesses that he authorized Phillip Jeffries to give Cooper some information years ago. He thought Cooper was in trouble. He told Phillip who their man was in Columbia and a week later that man was killed.
I don’t think he greeted me properly if you take my meaning. Something is very wrong. Albert, I hate to admit this but I don’t understand this situation at all. Do you understand this situation, Albert?”
“It doesn’t get any bluer. Albert, before we do anything else, we need one certain person to take a look at Cooper. Do you still know where she lives?”
“I know where she drinks.”
Who do you think this mystery woman is? My money’s on Diane. Who would know Cooper’s deepest thoughts and feelings better than Diane who undoubtedly has hours upon hours of his recordings? Plus, Laura Dern is cast in Twin Peaks, and Lynch loves putting Laura and Kyle together. If not her, then perhaps Annie or Audrey (or even some random person we don’t even know yet). But given his estrangement from Twin Peaks for 25 years, neither of those two women seem likely. And if Albert knows where she is, then Diane seems the most plausible. I guess we’ll find out!