Stephanie Watches Twin Peaks: Season 3 Part 13


What story is that, Charlie?

The Mitchum Brothers, Candie & Co., and Cooper are all celebrating their success in a conga line through Dougie’s office, much to Anthony’s horror. They give Bushnell a bunch of presents, including diamond cufflinks and a brand new car. They also gift a gym set to Sonny Jim (Sonny Gym?), as well as a new car for Janey-E.

This gym set is very creepy and Black Lodgey with the spotlight dancing around it. And Sonny Jim jumps around, similarly to the jumping boy with a mask in FWWM. Again, maybe I’m reading into it, but there are no accidents in Twin Peaks, eh?

But because the Mitchum Brothers didn’t kill Dougie, now Anthony has to devise a way to kill him for Mr. Todd. He chooses undetectable poison.

The next morning, Anthony waits for Cooper at the office. Cooper runs into the clear glass of the door and just stands there until someone opens it for him. I feel like there was a building-wide memo: “Please help this man if you see him struggling with normal, everyday tasks.” Anthony offers to buy Cooper a cup of coffee, which he is obviously thrilled about. While Cooper is distracted by cherry pie (as is his custom), Anthony slips the poison into his coffee.


On his way back to the table, Cooper spots some dandruff (?) or some sort of other white dust on Anthony’s shoulders and traces weird lines in it. Anthony breaks down in tears and takes the poison coffee away to dump into the toilet.

Cooper has no idea what just happened and happily drinks Anthony’s coffee. And finally, he enjoys some damn fine coffee and a slice of cherry pie TOGETHER. But this still isn’t enough to wake sweet Dale from his Dougie-coma. Anthony confesses his affiliation with Mr. Todd to Bushnell, even though Cooper already unintentionally brought it all to light. I assume Anthony is not long for this world.


BobCooper arrives at Ray’s meeting place. He just wants his coordinates but he has to go through all these goons first to get to Ray. Plus, he has to challenge “the boss” to an arm wrestling match. If he wins, he becomes the boss and everyone there has to do what he says. If he loses, he has to work for the boss and do what he says.

What is this? Kindergarten? Nursery school?”

BobCooper obviously has some crazy super BOB strength going for him so he’s undeterred by this arm wrestling match. Also, I don’t know how Ray thought he was going to get out of this (or that buff Billy Corgan was going to beat BobCooper for that matter) after he supposedly killed BobCooper and then saw a bunch of spirits come to his aid.


The bossman thinks he’s winning but BobCooper is just messing with him, flinging his arm back and forth. “Starting position is more comfortable.” He easily bests him… And then punches the dude so hard in the face that it collapses in on itself.

BobCooper’s new crew leaves him to speak privately with Ray. A non-threatening man in a suit lingers for a moment: “Do you need any money?” So random but that cracked me up. BobCooper shoots Ray in the leg so he can’t go anywhere. So, Ray spills the beans: Phillip Jeffries is his contact. (I’m starting to believe more and more that Bowie might really make an appearance.)

He says you’ve got something inside that they want.”

Ray has the Black Lodge ring thanks to some unknown guard at the prison and explains that he was supposed to put it on BobCooper after he killed him. BobCooper tells him to put it on his ring finger on his left hand. Ray gives him the coordinates and also divulges that Jeffries is in a place called the Dutchman’s. While this conversation is happening, Richard Horne appears and watches the end of this exchange. (Father and son reunion is imminent, perhaps?)

BobCooper has all he needs and shoots Ray in the head. The ring disappears from his hand and falls into the Black Lodge. Ray’s bloody body appears on the floor of the Lodge. Gotta soak up all that garmonbozia, yeah? The One-Armed Man picks up the ring and puts it on the usual display.

Twin Peaks

At the Double R Diner, Shelly gets a call from Becky, who’s distraught because stupid Steven hasn’t come home yet. I think this is before she shot up his secret girlfriend’s apartment. Bobby mentioning that he just found his dad’s clues about Jack Rabbit Place that day also lend credence to this because the family meeting with Bobby, Shelly, and Becky seem to be after that. So, I’m really coming around to this jumbled timeline theory.


Bobby, get your butt back over here. It’s no good eatin’ alone.”

BIG ED finally appears! He’s eating with Norma — and like Bobby and Shelly, all my dreams appeared to have come true. Until some smarmy dude named Walter appears and kisses Norma. UGHHHHHHHHHHHH. I’m so sick of all these garbage side pieces. Especially since Bobby and Ed really seem to have their shit together — especially Bobby. But we don’t know what happened to break them up. Unless Ed and Norma couldn’t be together after Nadine got her memory back. In the meantime, let’s all appreciate Bobby’s “usual” at the diner is spaghetti and garlic bread.

Norma’s side piece is apparently her accountant for Norma’s franchised diners. She has five locations  — you go, girl! (How about you open one in Chicago and I’ll manage it?) He says she’s spending too much per pie and not charging enough. Not only that, he wants Norma to change the name of the original Double R to Norma’s Double R. But she ain’t about any of these ideas. Ed watching this exchange with those sad, puppy eyes just hurts my heart all over again. Dump this chump, Norma!!!!!

Dr. Jacobi pays Nadine a visit. She’s so excited to see Dr. Amp since she’s obviously his #1 fan. She shows off her golden shovel display.

Those drapes are completely silent… Thanks to you, I’m really starting to shovel myself out of the shit!”

Sarah Palmer is at home, watching an old boxing match (maybe Bushnell’s?)… That seems to replay over and over again. And each time, there’s a strange electricity crackle that sounds like it’s coming from inside the house and not from the television. There’s some WEIRD SHIT going on at the Palmer house. So, Sarah’s just downing her vodka and chain smoking. She doesn’t seem to notice the repetition of the boxing match. What’s in the kitchen, Sarah!?

We return to Audrey and Charlie. She’s in a much more distressed state. She doesn’t seem to know who she is or where she is. It’s a complete 180 from her last scene where we saw a much more confident, commanding woman.

I feel like I’m somewhere else.. Like I’m somebody else. I’m not sure who I am, but I’m not me… What story is that, Charlie? Is it the story of the little girl who lived down the lane? Is it? … I wanna stay and I wanna go. I wanna do both. Which will it be, Charlie? Huh? Which one would you be? Charlie, help me. Is the Ghostwood here?”

I’m starting to believe that the bank explosion and subsequent potential rape by BobCooper (not confirmed, just my theory considering Richard Horne is such a gross human) have got her seriously twisted up. I think she’s either in an institution and Charlie is her therapist or doctor. Or he married her as a contract to keep her out of an institution and take care of her. Maybe that’s why she’s rattling off names of people we’ve never met and why he seems so calm and bored by her declarations of being in love with someone else. Or maybe she’s still in a coma and it’s all in her head. Who knows, man.

But the greatest moment of my life happened right after that because… JAMES HURLEY PERFORMS “YOU AND I” at The Roadhouse.


I died and went to heaven. He even has his Donna and Maddy stand-ins for backup vocals. Jessica Szohr (who is Shelly’s friend and has a big crush on James) watches and cries from the sheer beauty of this musical number. She is all of us at this moment.

For reals though, I make fun of this scene so much that I was laughing so hard when this happened. I still can’t believe it really happened. David Lynch is the greatest troll in the history of the universe. He shitposted in his own show. I love it so much.

And then we close out the episode with my poor bb Big Ed eating soup in his Double R to-go-cup at Big Ed’s gas farm. He burns what I assume was yet another letter to Norma.

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