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Stephanie Watches Twin Peaks: 2.19 “Variations on Relations”

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Pie. Whoever invented the pie? Here was a great person. In Twin Peaks, we specialize in cherry pie and huckleberry pie. We do have many other types of pie, and at the Double R Diner. Norma knows how to make them all better than anyone I have ever known. I hope Norma likes me. I know I like her and respect her. I have spit my pitch gum out of my mouth onto her walls and floors and sometimes onto her booths. Sometimes I get angry and do things I’m not proud of. I do love Norma’s pies. I love pie with coffee.”

The team returns to the cave to find that Windom Earle had already been there and revealed even more of the petroglyph. Major Briggs is familiar with the petroglyph and offers his assistance in any way.

At his cabin, Windom discusses the mystery of the White & Black Lodge. His ultimate goal is to find the Black Lodge. He has also adopted a young local stoner who was promised beer for coming with him. Unfortunately for stoner kid, Windom is putting him into a giant paper mache chess piece. He commands Leo to shoot him with a crossbow, but Leo refuses (so I guess he’s regaining some sort of sentience?) Since Leo won’t, Windom shoots the stoner kid in the head himself. Honestly I just… I DON’T EVEN KNOW. This whole thing weirder than the entire Black Lodge tbh.

Pete is moping over Josie and composing poems in her name. Aw. I’ll allow Pete to talk about Josie since she didn’t seduce him and screw him over the same way she did Harry. Catherine, however, is over it and wants him to focus his efforts on helping her open the secret puzzle box Eckert left her. She even enlists Harry for his help in opening the box. But no one knows what to do. Pete accidentally drops it and a drawer pops out to reveal yet another mystery box. Pete tries to drop it again (since it worked the first time, I’m with your logic there, Pete, don’t worry) but nothing more happens.

Bobby convinces Shelly to enter Miss Twin Peaks. It’s not a very fun convincing. He tells her, “Bobby’s in charge.” Bobby, just because you’re working for lecherous Ben Horne doesn’t mean you’re suddenly a big shot. I’m sure Shelly is seeing shades of Leo in him, and she’s not too thrilled. Nadine’s also entering Miss Twin Peaks as well. Bobby confronts Mike about dating Nadine. They have some boy talk about it. Mike is just SUPER into Nadine now, which is hilarious.

Lana’s back, too, much to the other girls’ annoyance. She wants her new man, the Mayor, to rig the Miss Twin Peaks contest in her favor, and her flirtations are all it takes for him to agree. Ben has his own Miss Twin Peaks motives and wants it to be all about the environment and stopping the Ghostwood development. Speaking of Ben Horne, Donna won’t let the drama go and confronts her mom about it at the dinner table in front of her dad too. Ugh, Donna, STOP. (Also, I just don’t really care about her. She should have left with James.)

While chatting with Cooper at the diner, Shelly recites her Windom Earle poem out loud. Cooper recognizes the words and is clearly troubled. He takes her piece of the poem back to Harry and explains that it’s the same poem Cooper used to say to Caroline. He’s worried Shelly, Donna, and Audrey’s lives are in danger now. Plus, Cooper recognizes the handwriting on the poem as Leo Johnson’s. “Putting the pieces together, Harry.”

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“When I talk to you, I get a tingling sensation in my toes and stomach.”

Cooper’s getting those good ASMR vibes from Annie and invites her to go on a “nature study” with him. He takes her out on a canoe on the lake. They have a pretty meaningful talk. And he asks her about her scars on her wrists. They connect because of their troubled pasts and end up getting a little smoochy. This is all well and adorable but unfortunately, Windom Earle – in fishing gear this time – sees the whole thing. Now, he has a new target to use against Cooper.

Gordon and Shelly go on what I will call a date at the Double R Diner. He is flattering her, and she’s probably not used to someone being so nice to her. Especially compared to Leo and now Bobby, who’s trying to be a controlling dick (not Tremayne). Her bright grin is ridiculously adorable and she’s very much into Gordon. (Shelly got, like, way hotter in these last few episodes, right? I would date her.) He asks her permission for a kiss and just as they’re leaning in, Bobby comes into the diner in an outrage. Shelly doesn’t care and kisses him right in front of Bobby. You go girl.

Cooper enjoys a glass of milk in front of the fire at the Great Northern (what a dork) and John Justice “Jack” Wheeler joins him with his drink. This is rather awkward for us as the viewers since Jack is asking for love advice from the man Audrey’s (still) in love with.

Cooper’s evening of relaxation is cut short when he gets called to the same park where he and Annie went on their “nature study.” There’s a big box in the gazebo with a sign attached that reads “Pull Me.” Cooper figures it’s from Windom because who else? I wonder if BOB is getting jealous since all the attention is on this other chucklehead.

Cooper pulls it open to reveal the dead stoner kid in the chess piece with a sign:

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“Next time it will be someone you know.”

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