Not very unexpectedly, the majority of Stannis’s army fled during the knight after witnessing their king burn his only child alive. And to make matters worse, Selyse hung herself and Melly Sanders ditches him. But Stannis tries to keep his cool and press on to the battle. The Boltons are too well prepared and take out his army easily.
Stannis fights for his life, but when confronted with Brienne of Tarth, he confesses to the murder of her king, Renly. He tells her to “do your duty” and she slays the shit out of him. Although Stannis is still alive and well in the books, I couldn’t help but be glad that daughter-burning Stannis is no more. Thanks, Brienne buddy.
Meanwhile, Sansa is trying her damnedest to escape while Ramsay is distracted by the battle. But she runs in to Ramsay’s girlfriend and Theon. She would prefer to die while there’s still part of her left than let Ramsay continually take her and destroy her, day after day. But Theon finally steps up his game and pushes that chick off the battlements. KERSPLAT! Thank you, Theon. He and Sansa take each other’s hands and jump off as well. I’m assuming they’ll be okay? Maybe Theon cushioned her landing? Maybe he materialized a big padded bed for them to land on? Who knows.
Arya tries out her first “face” as she poses as a prostitute for Ser Meryn Trant. (Okay, so I thought you couldn’t actually get the “faces” until you’d completed your training and it wasn’t just something you tack on, but I digress.) She gets REAL stabby with him. And it was nice to watch that butthole get it after everything he did to the Starks. See, there’s some justice?
But Jaquen is not pleased and punishes her by taking her sight! I was actually cheering for this since it happens in the book, ha ha ha. This is what I’ve come to. Cheering for terrible things when they’re book accurate. But her training will continue and it will be interesting to see her get more attuned to her other senses. Maybe she’ll become Daredevil.
Jaime, Myrcella, Trystane, and Bronn head back on their boat to King’s Landing. Jaime and Myrcella have a bonding moment on the boat, where she tells him she knew he was her daddy all along and couldn’t be happier about it. But, of course, all that is ruined when blood starts seeping out of her nose.
Ellaria just couldn’t let them get away so easily. So, she gave Myrcella a poisoned kiss goodbye. Ugh. I don’t think your late hubby, Oberyn, would be too pleased. Remember how he told Cersei, “We don’t hurt little girls in Dorne.” Okay, sure. Whatever.
Across the Narrow Sea
Dany’s crew is all alive, but at a loss as to what to do next. They know they need to go find her, but can’t leave Meereen unattended. Daario and Jorah decide to head out for the most awkward bromance outing (“I’ve loved her for years!” “Yeah, but I totally banged her, dude”) and leave Tyrion, Missandei, and Grey Worm in charge.
We see Daenerys miles and miles from Meereen. Drogon is a sleepy baby and just wants to take a nap after all that killing and eating. Plus, he has some wounds that need to heal, so he’s all, “MOM, LEAVE ME ALONE!” Dany goes off to find food and instead finds a big ass hoard of Dothraki horselords. Nothing bad will come of this, I’m sure!
Jon and Sam have some cute bonding time, but Sam begs Jon to let him go to Oldtown with Gilly and baby Sam so he can study to become a maester. They bid farewell and Jon resumes his daily life. Without his one friend, however, things go south quickly. He’s told that his uncle Benjen has been found and a certain wildling has all the information for him. What Jon should have done was have them bring the wildling TO him, but he is grasping so hard at any shred of family that may be left, he rushes out to meet the wildling, only to be greeted with a sign that reads “TRAITOR”.
The men of the Night’s Watch all take turns stabbing him, “For the watch!” Olly, the little kid who killed Ygritte, takes the final blow.
So, the question on everyone’s mind: is Jon Snow really dead?
I have no idea. Jon’s final book chapter left us with a fadeout and no confirmation one way or the other. Kit Harrington did an interview that said he wasn’t coming back and as far as he knew, Jon Snow was dead. That could be very disheartening, or he might not be allowed to really say. But if he really is dead, then what was the point of his story? Why did we go through all of that? Sure, you could say that about any character death, but his death would bring nothing.
And considering the series is called “A Song of Ice & Fire,” that basically means A Song of Jon & Dany, being that they are the last living Targaryens in the Seven Kingdoms.
My theory is that Jon could have warged into Ghost since he is still a Stark and they can do that. Melisandre could bring him back to life since necromancy has been a thing for a while. The Night’s Watch needs to burn his body or he’ll become a wight, but since he is a Targ, maybe he will be “reborn” from the flames like Dany.
I’ve been dreading Cersei’s walk of penance for seasons. I knew it would be hard to witness, as it was painful to read. And sure enough, the moment they started cutting off her hair, the tears started flowing.
Cersei is stripped of everything that makes her Cersei Lannister: her golden lion mane of hair, her gorgeous finery, her pride. “But hair grows back,” she tells herself in the book. Instead she emerges from the Sept with her bruised, dirty, bloody body exposed for the world to see. But even still, she holds her head high as she begins the long march to the Red Keep.
I am a lioness, I will not cringe for them.”
The septas chant “SHAME!” behind her as townspeople curse at her and throw things. The uneven pavement bloodies her feet. She falls once and looks as though she may give up as her own tears start flowing. But her resolve strengthens and she gets back up. The march goes on for an excruciatingly long time. And keep in mind, this march is to shame her as a woman for having relations outside of her marital bed, as that is the only crime she confessed to. This is the church’s idea of punishment. Ugh.
By the time Cersei finally reaches the doors of the Red Keep, she is nearly broken. Her uncle Kevan Lannister is there, but it is Qyburn who rushes to her, covers her up, and shows her the newest member of her guard. He looks awfully familiar, doesn’t he? As the newly reborn Mountain swoops Cersei up to take her home, revenge burns hard in her eyes. She will take down those that made her make that long walk and all those that insulted her along the way.
My theory is that Cersei will declare a trial by combat with The Mountain as her fighter. I am more than confident she will win her battle and become the rightful queen once more. I also think that Margaery will lose her trial and be either executed or exiled. Either would be good for Cersei.
And once everything is coming up Cersei, Tommen will die somehow. And then Cersei will just go insane from grief from losing all her children and start to take down King’s Landing with her, or just go insane by herself. Either way, I think this is where Jaime will come in and poison her to death.
So, whew. That was a heavy episode and the hardest for me to witness as a Cersei fan. What are you theories, now that we’re all caught up to the books?