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Stephanie Watches Game of Thrones: 5×09 “The Dance of Dragons”

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The Wall

After last week’s fun-filled whitewalker battle, Jon Snow returns to the Wall with what’s left of the Hardhome wildlings. Aliser Thorne has some major second thoughts about letting them all through, but opens the gate anyway. He’s kind of a dick, but knows that he can’t do much against Jon these days except lots of sneering and disapproving glances.

Dorne

Arguably the most tolerable Dorne scenes happened, although much of it was nonsensical. Ellaria magically decides to prostate herself and beg for forgiveness? Doran decides to send his only son and heir (because they are VERY focused on not naming Myrcella queen and heir) to the most dangerous city?

Oh well. At least Dorne is insanely gorgeous and Prince Doran fits the image of him in my head. I want to see Areo Hotah use that big ol’ axe thing. For more than just smashing Bronn in the face. Although that was pretty hilarious. And Jaime clearly found Oberyn’s closet.

Braavos

Arya continues being Lana. Why they couldn’t keep her named Cat of the Canals is beyond me. Did they think viewers were that dumb and wouldn’t get that this Cat is different than Catelyn? Like how they had to change Asha to Yara because they thought people would get her confused with Osha? Anyhoo, Arya spots Mace Tyrell and Ser Meryn Trant getting off a boat to meet with the bank of Braavos. Meryn is on her death list, so her priorities shift from offing this scumbag insurance man to following Meryn and Mace all over the city.

She tracks Meryn to a brothel and watches as he claims all the beautiful women are “too old” until the head of the brothel brings him a little girl to satisfy him. GROSS. You can just see the disgust and rage boiling up in Arya’s eyes. I have a feeling the poison oysters will go for him. That or she’ll unearth Needle and get to him after posing as a brothel girl. That’s my assumption/hope, anyway. This dude needs to go after what he’s done to Sansa.

The North

Davos and Shireen continue being adorable, which just makes what comes next even more terrible and painful. He makes her a little wooden stag to thank her for teaching him how to read. During the night, however, Ramsay sends in some secret soldiers to burn all the food stores and kill the horses. So, Stannis decides to send Davos back to Castle Black to get more and won’t let him take Shireen with him.

And why not? Because Stannis thinks it’s a great idea to burn his cute little daughter at the stake. She has king’s blood running through her veins and her death with APPARENTLY make Stannis win his battles and the war and become king. Stannis just lets this happen. Crazypants Selyse even comes to her senses and tries to stop it. So you know it’s gotta be a cooky decision.

The Game of Thrones producers claim that this is something that will happen later on in the books. But I have to imagine that if Stannis does something this drastic, it will have to be for far more than some burned food and horses. This situation was not dire enough to warrant burning his daughter alive. Granted, nothing would ever be. But still.

Not cool, Stannis.

Meereen

The moment Dany has been dreading has finally arrived. The Meereenese fighting pits have opened and everyone in the city has gathered to witness the meaningless slaughter. Tyrion is equally as disapproving, believing that there’s enough death in the world already. Dany spends much of her time watching with a furrowed brow. And her worry grows even more once Jorah comes on to the battlefield. Part of her is probably like, Ugh not again! And the other, gentler part of her doesn’t want to see her old confidant die brutally on a staged battlefield.

But Jorah bests them all. And after defeting the Meereenese Champsion, the stadium erupts in to insanity. A Harpy has snuck up behind Dany amidst the chaos and is ready to kill her before Jorah throws a spear at him. More Harpies emerge, killing Hizdahr, killing masters, killing everyone in the stadium. Daario, Jorah, and Tyrion fight to protect Dany and Missandei, but it’s no use. There are too many Harpies. They’re surrounded in the middle of the battlefield. Dany clutches Missandei’s hand and closes her eyes, readying herself for death to come.

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But then….

DROGON COMES TO THE RESCUE! Drawn to the stadium by the smell of blood, he chomps and burns those that threaten his mommy. She climbs on top of him and rides out of the stadium in all her Mother of Dragons glory!

I’ve been waiting for this scene all season and thought it was very well done, albeit a bit cheesy with the CGI. I miss edStrong Belwas and the poisoned locusts aspect since I thought Hizdahr was still a jerk, but maybe show!Hizdahr was innocent after all. Also, Jorah totally touched Dany, despite having greyscale. Ummm, was that an accident or intentional? Does Dany have greyscale now? Or was that just something the director totally missed?

Anyway, despite my extreme anger over what happened to Shireen, the Dany scene was really fun. The finale is going to be super intense and emotional. This Cersei fan is not ready!

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