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Stephanie Watches Game of Thrones: 5×03 “High Sparrow”

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King’s Landing

Margaery and Tommen have finally been wed. And then consummated their marriage immediately. Something to think about: book!Tommen is 9 and does not consummate his relationship. I thought they would have aged him up a bit more in the show, but nope he’s supposed to be 12. Yeah…..

Margaery is already on her manipulation warpath, trying to convince Tommen to send his loving, doting mother Cersei away to Casterly Rock where she belongs. This plan seems to be working since Tommen actually suggests it to Cersei. She, of course, would never leave him in the clutches of the Tyrells to face King’s Landing alone. Cersei goes to chat with Margaery, but her thorns are out with some rage-inducing lines such as:

  • “Can we bring you anything to eat or drink? I wish we had some wine for you, it’s a bit early in the day for us.”
  •  “What can I expect? Tommen is half-lion, half-stag.”
  • “What is the proper way to address you now? Queen Mother or Dowager Queen?”
  • “Judging from the king’s enthusiasm, the Queen Mother will be the Queen grandmother soon!”

I’m surprised that Cersei didn’t behead her right then and there. Instead, she kept her cool. Proud of you, Cers.

Unrest continues in King’s Landing with the sparrows causing drama. They find the High Septon in a brothel, beat him, and force him to walk naked through the streets. (That will become important later on, so remember that moment.) The High Septon comes to Cersei to beg for justice and the High Sparrow’s head. But she throws him in the dungeon and seems to like the High Sparrow quite a lot. Hmm…

Braavos

Arya is behind the walls of the House of Black and White, but is unsatisfied with her progress to become a faceless man. All she’s done is sweep, watch people die in front of the gods, and get beat up by the other servant girl. Jaquen reminds her that she is still holding on to the pieces of Arya. And to become No One, she has to let Arya Stark go. So, she dumps her belongings into the sea. But not Needle… She fought so hard to get her sword back, she just couldn’t let it go. Instead, she thankfully stows it away in a secret place. I have a feeling that Jaquen knows she did this since he seems to have eyes everywhere, but who knows.

The Wall

Jon Snow is getting used to becoming the Lord Commander. He names his series-long enemy Alliser Thorne as First Ranger. This pleases him greatly. When Jon tries to send cowardly Janos Slynt to rebuild another castle along the Wall, he outright defies him and insults him. As the Lord Commander, he has to punish those that disobey his orders, so that everyone will respect him. He commands his men to take him to the chopping block. Alliser Thorne even lets them through to do it, even though Janos was his bud. Janos begs for mercy at the last moment, but Jon chops his head right off. That’ll teach ya. Stannis nods and grinds his teeth in approval from afar.

Across the Narrow Sea

Tyrion is getting stir crazy from his travels with Varys and demands they run around the slaver town for a bit. They find themselves in a brothel with many beautiful ladies and a Daenerys cosplayer. His pretty words work well on one of the women, but when she is ready to seal the deal, he can’t bring himself to do it. Shae’s death is probably still too near to his heart and mind. At least, we hope he feels some remorse for what he did to her. She, after all, did what she did out of fear, not for hatred of him. Anyway, he goes to use the potty and gets snatched by Jorah Mormont, effectively skipping over about 10 book chapters of his travels and escapades.

It’s no wonder they’re catching up to the books so quickly when they skip over lots and lots of material.

On the Road

All I can do is grumble about this. But Littlefinger wants Sansa to marry Ramsay Bolton and grrr, that is awful. She could be safely in the Vale, having a grand ol’ time with her new friends and flirting with cute knights, but NOPE. The show just wants to torture her some more with another shitty marriage. Alrighty.

Uhh, at least she’s home, I guess? Looked like she was maybe staying in Catelyn’s old room.

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