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Stephanie Watches Game of Thrones: 5×02 “The House of Black and White”

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Alright, prefacing this by saying yeah, I’m totally one of those bitter book readers. I really try to think of the show and the books as two separate entities now that they’ve run out of material for some characters. But it’s very hard. So, please bear with me as my bitterness may come out in these reviews. Just a warning because I think some things they’re doing is super duper dumb when they still have cool stuff in the material they could use. But at least Cersei and Arya seem to be on the right track.

Braavos

Arya was missing from the first episode because she was making her way to Braavos to the House of Black and White. She has her little Valar Morghulis coin, but the hooded man initially denies her entry. So, she spends the day or two just sitting outside. This apparently means she was devoted enough to hang around, so the hooded man comes out to let her inside. And when his hand passes over his face, he is revealed to be Jaqen H’ghar…or the Faceless Man or Kindly Man.

King’s Landing

The Dornish are sending threats to Cersei, so naturally she fears for the safety of her daughter, Myrcella, who was sent away to live at Sunspear a few years prior. And since Oberyn Martell was killed, his lady friend Ellaria and his daughters are none too pleased about it.

So, not wanting to deal with her relationship drama with Jaime, she sends him off to go retrieve Myrcella. Jaime recruits Bronn and the two go off on a totally non-book related adventure.

Dorne

We finally get to see Dorne, something I was very much looking forward to until they decided to completely get rid of Arianne’s character. You know, the POV character for all of the goings-on at Dorne. But, okay, fine. I guess Ellaria is taking her place. And as someone who has spent much time with Oberyn, who abhors the killing of children, she tells Prince Doran they gotta kill Myrcella. Because that makes sense.

Book!Ellaria wants nothing more than to be done with the Lannisters because she fears for the safety of her own daughters (The Sandsnakes), the only part of Oberyn she has left. But TV!Ellaria is all about starting a war.

On the Road

Brienne and Pod are dining when they run into Sansa and Littlefinger. Brienne tries to convince her to come with her, that she made a vow to her mother to take her home. But they both notice her fancy Lannister sword and point out that hey, her mom is actually dead, so your vow doesn’t mean anything. Sansa is clearly very bitter that this lady let her family down, so she decides to go with Creeperfinger instead.

There’s what Westeros would deem a high-speed chase through the woods, but Sansa still gets away.

This is the first instance of something really dumb. What are Brienne and Pod going to do now? Oh hey, maybe they should incorporate a CERTAIN character so that their stuff gets back on track. Maybe? Yeah? No, I know. Sigh.

The Wall

Stannis offers Jon Snow to become Jon Stark, something he’s always wanted. But he’s forever devout to the Night’s Watch. And when it comes time to choose a new Lord Commander, he wins the vote! Yay! Suck it, everybody else. Especially Alliser Thorne.

Across the Narrow Sea

Hizdahr Zo Loraq just won’t shut up about the damn fighting pits. He says the Sons of the Harpy will just keeping killing if she doesn’t open them up. They end up capturing one of these Sons, but she doesn’t know what to do with him. Ser Barristan advises her not to kill every single person that defies her or she’ll end up like the Mad King. So, she agrees to give him a trial, but one of her loyal peeps decides to take matters in to his own hand and kills him in the night. He thought he was doing his Mhysa a favor, but Dany is piiiiissed.

She has no choice but to make an example of him in front of a crowd of all her children begging for his mercy. But when Dany makes a choice, she doesn’t back down. Soooo, off with his head! Bam! Her kids aren’t happy. Damn, she can’t keep anyone happy. Her dragons are mad and now all her kids. Being queen is hard, guys.

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Other things:

  • Sup Drogon. Maybe you should go rescue your brothers.
  • Varys and Tyrion are still traveling in their hot little hut. And having more depressing conversations.
  • Why are they even bothering to have Sansa’s hair a dark color if they’re just going to reveal who she is all the time? Arrrgh!
  • Just a thought, I wish the place they’d gotten food had been the same place HOT PIE worked. I miss Hot Pie.
  • Jaime looks like he is about to ride off on a motorcycle or commandeer a ship. I need his shaggy hair back because he’s looking a little too modern.
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