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Stephanie Watches Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.: 3×13 “Parting Shot”

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It took me a while to formulate a post for this because THAT DAMN BAR SCENE. Destroyed me. Twice.

Bobbi and Hunter snuck onto Malick’s plane to figure out what he was up to with the Russians and the fact that everyone agreed to build an Inhuman “safehouse” there. Super good idea, obviously. Before they can do much recon, they’re spotted by some Russian dudes. But after trying to convince them they’re just bumbling lost tourists picking mushrooms, they take them out pretty easily before reconvening with the SHIELD team.

Daisy: Um, are those mushrooms?
Hunter: Uh-huh. For soup.
Bobbi: It’s not bad actually.

Coulson and FitzSimmons stay on the ship for aerial surveillance while the rest of the team splits up to infiltrate the base. Earlier, Bobbi and Hunter saw what looked like an InHuman trapped and strapped to a gurney being wheeled into the base, so they might need to save him.

May and Hunter do some ground recon, while Bobbi, Daisy, and Mack head in the back way.

Bobbi: How’s everyone’s Russian?
May: My pronunciation’s not fluent.
Mack: Mine’s nonexistent.
Daisy: I dated a Russian hacker once, but I only learned the dirty words.
Bobbi: Guys, seriously, we’re spies. I thought we all learned languages.

May and Hunter finally get some quality time to work out their issues. May is still harboring anger for him failing to kill Ward and jeopardizing Andrew’s life. Luckily, there isn’t much more time to reflect on the purpose of SHIELD as they nearly trip over the dead body of the Russian Prime Minister’s assistant person, whose official title I can’t remember at the moment.

The one that looks like New Hampshire with legs is D, right?”
“Da.”

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Meanwhile, Daisy is doing the hacking thing, which she only does once in a blue moon these days so it’s nice to see! And Bobbi sneaks her way in close to Malick so everyone can hear what’s happening. Turns out, the Inhuman they had strapped to a gurney is the Russian General Androvich, the first Inhuman in a position of political power. He’s taken out the Prime Minister’s assistant and with the Prime Minister on the way, Malick and Petrov plan to take him out since he opposes their Inhuman safe zone being on Russian soil. It’s a coup!

Now tasked to save the Prime Minister’s life and getting the general as far away from the base as possible, Bobbi, Mack, and Daisy end up fighting the General, whose power is to create some sort of being that is non-corporeal to whoever attempts to fight back but is really good at kicking everyone else’s ass. They reason that the only way to stop the General, who is on his way to kill the Prime Minister, is to kill him. “Ready, sestra?” The Orphan Black fan in me squealed at this line. And also I was squealing with delight seeing Bobbi and Daisy teaming up to fight. Unfortunately, they get knocked down pretty quickly. But they got up again…you ain’t never gonna keep them down. I’m sorry.

We knew this mission wouldn’t end well from the beginning, considering the episode was broken up by scenes of Hunter and Bobbi in custody, questioned by Interpol. Hunter first kills Petrov as he’s trying to bring the Prime Minister to safety. Then, Bobbi successfully kills the Inhuman General, while Hunter was fighting off its being. But both are intercepted by the police right after and taken into custody.

What’s your name?”
“Amadeus Ravenclaw Hunter.”

It seemed like Interpol really wanted to send Hunter to the firing squad, even if he had nothing to do with most of the deaths on the base. But somene had to take the fall or it might come to war. Coulson and POTUS intervene to try to get them out, promising that there’s no way they could be SHIELD agents because SHIELD totally doesn’t exist anymore! Coulson is just from the ATCU, a legit U.S. organization, totally not SHIELD at all!

Coulson has planned an elaborate escape for them, but Bobbi and Hunter have accepted their fate. No, not their death fate or prison fate. They can no longer be SHIELD agents because it would endanger everyone on the team and the organization at large. And the Inhuman threat is making Russia pretty touchy, so if they found out the U.S. and SHIELD were intervening in their affairs, it could start another war. “It would be bad. Cold War bad,” says Coulson. Bobbi and Hunter know they’re done with SHIELD. (For now, anyway.)

Later on, Bobbi and Hunter are enjoying some beer in their civvies while plotting their next course of action. Suddenly, however, shots start appearing at their table from random strangers. Those strangers turn out to be Simmons, Fitz, May, Daisy, Coulson, and Mack. It’s the “spy’s goodbye,” according to Bobbi. The SHIELD team toasts to them and everyone takes a shot. It’s kind of obvious and conspicuous for anyone that happened to be checking up on them to make sure they’re not involved with SHIELD. But, that’s okay because that scene destroyed me and made me bawl like a baby, especially when I saw Mack. He’s been with them for ages, so this has to hurt him the most. And ugh, his face. I watched the episode again last night and was just as affected. Damn you, precious SHIELD babies.

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WHY MUST YOU HURT ME SO, MACK?

It’s okay, though. I know this isn’t the last of Bobbi and Hunter. They have a pilot called Marvel’s Most Wanted that will hopefully be picked up. And I bet they’ll pop up on SHIELD still every now and then.

In the final shot of the episode, we meet Malick’s daughter: Stephanie! I’m so excited there’s a character on SHIELD named Stephanie. Ahahahaha! HAIL HYDRA! I’ve been converted! She’s stoked to meet Hive, and if we lose Malick by the end of the season, I’m sure she’ll be a fantastic replacement to lead HYDRA.

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