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    Stephanie Watches Orphan Black: 5.06 “Manacled Slim Wrists”

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    Krystal is back — FINALLY! She’s got a friend this time — and a beauty vlog with more than 50,000 subscribers! Omg! But while celebrating their vlog success, they discover poor Brie’s hair is falling out. What’s the culprit in Krystal’s opinion?

    She’s been poisoned. By Big Cosmetics! What about that is confusing?”

    So, she goes to Art and Scott for help in taking down Big Cosmetics. But unbeknownst to Krystal, she’s stumbled across something real. As per usual. Art reaches out to Sarah for help in this. Krystal really doesn’t like Sarah and Brie doesn’t seem surprised to see another person that looks like Krystal. But she probably has those same blinders are Krystal and doesn’t even notice Sarah looks the same.

    “Is she actually necessary because she’s SO rude! Every single time.”

    Krystal has a contact named Leonard Sipp, who is the CEO of Bluezone Cosmetics. Len Sipp recently sold his company to a DYAD subsidiary the previous week. So, hey, Krystal is onto something!

    “Did Krystal just fall ass backwards into something big again?”

    They want to set a meeting up with Krystal’s ‘deep throat’ (“So what my deep throat is totally hot, get over it.”) with Sarah as Krystal. S and Art don’t think that’s a good idea and neither does Krystal.

    You and that Australian girl are gonna mess the whole thing up.”

    Krystal sneaks away as Brie seduces Scott with stripping and flirting so she can do her own plan. She puts on a sexy, slinky dress as Art and Sarah watch from the car outside on a surveillance set to coach her. Sarah, of course, has dressed up as Krystal but we don’t even get to see the outfit she put together. I’m so curious!

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    Len shows up — and it’s Tatiana’s real life boyfriend, Tom Cullen! Yay! (After seeing them in The Other Half together, I was super excited since that was both of them in super duper serious, emotional roles… and this is definitely not that.) Krystal gets a bit distracted and starts making out with him hardcore. Who can blame her? He’s very good looking. Art and Sarah try to steer her back on track. She blurts out that he sold his company to DYAD and tries to get even more information out of him.

    He is such a liar. He doesn’t even like my vlog.”

    With the help of Scott getting some information from Brie, Sarah and Art relay that Brie stole some experimental cream from Len’s party and that’s why her hair was falling out. Len finds it in Brie’s cosmetics bag and confronts Krystal. He calls her stupid — so she kicks him in the balls. She puts those personal training sessions to good use. Since the cream is a dermal application, Sarah wonders if they’re planning on putting LIN-28A (the mutation in Kira that heals her) in it but all it does right now is make hair fall out. So, Krystal rubs it ALL OVER HIS BEARD. You go, girl. Continue reading

    Stephanie Watches Twin Peaks: Season 3 Part 10

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    Laura is the one.

    Richard Horne is still a horrible garbage person. He tracks down the happy pie-eating Miriam who saw him run down that little kid. She says she told the police he ran over the little boy and sent a letter saying that if anything happens to her, Richard is the one who did it. So, Richard attacks her and beats the shit out of her. She’s still breathing though, despite the giant pool of blood and him turning the oven on and lighting a candle. He calls fan-favorite Chad to intercept the letter at the Sheriff’s office. It’s nice they’re working together so I can hate Chad and Richard as a unit.

    This violence is followed by the purest and most wholesome thing I’ve seen in my life: Carl Rodd (Harry Dean Stanton) playing acoustic guitar and singing sweetly. Unfortunately, it is interrupted by more violence. “It’s a fuckin’ nightmare,” Carl says as he can hear Becky’s shitty boyfriend screaming at her. She cowers in a ball on the couch in their tiny trailer as he repeats over and over again that he knows exactly what she did.

    Chad tries to foil Lucy in his attempt to get the mail but Lucy’s no fool, despite her quirkiness. He goes out to meet the mailman, and Lucy watches from the window as he flips through the letters. He pockets one from a Meriam — but the woman Richard potentially killed was named Miriam, so he likely made a mistake because Chad is the worst. But this is definitely a good mistake.

    Richard continues his trail of terror. He visits his grandma, Sylvia Horne and Johnny Horne. Johnny survived his head injury and stares at the most terrifying looking bear I’ve ever seen, which repeats: Hello, Johnny, how are you today? over and over throughout this entire scene. Richard threatens them and chokes Sylvia as he demands she tell him the code to her safe. He steals all the money and valuables in the safe, as well as everything she had in her purse while Johnny helplessly flops around on the floor. The scene is extra surreal and creepy because of the bear talking and the flowery, serene score that’s playing while Richard terrorizes them.

    Yo, Audrey, where the hell are you? Your garbage son is doing a number on this town. I become more and more convinced that he is a product of the Black Lodge. And if Richard is somehow the product of BobCooper and Audrey, then I have this fear that Audrey is in a mental institution somewhere suffering from whatever happened to her. I mean, goodness, I hope not. But where the heck is she!? And if it’s not BobCooper’s kid, then where the heck is the dad!? (It’s not all on Audrey, obviously.)

    Speaking of Hornes, Jerry Horne remains lost in the woods with no signal. “You can’t fool me. I’ve been here before!”

    After an upsetting conversation with his wife about Richard robbing her, Ben asks Beverly to have dinner with him. I guess they got divorced after the whole Donna Hayward fiasco.

    Dr. Jacobi is at it again with his show. Nadine is his most loyal viewer — and also has a golden shovel on display in front of her home, which is also her SILENT DRAPE RUNNERS BUSINESS. She did it! She made the silent drape runners!! That’s it. Show’s over. I’m satisfied. Continue reading

    Stephanie Watches Twin Peaks: Season 3 Part 9

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    This is the chair.

    A very bloody BobCooper is alive and well after his soot men helpers brought him back to life. He makes it to the farm to the meet up with his comrades, Hutch (Tim Roth) and Chantal (Jennifer Jason Leigh). Isn’t that a nice Hateful Eight reunion? All we need is some Kurt Russel. BobCooper is kind of Kurt Russel-ey anyway, so it works. He uses a bedazzled flip phone to call Duncan (Patrick Fischler) in Las Vegas to check in on Dougie’s demise, as well as text “around the dinner table, the conversation is lively” to an unknown recipient. BobCooper tells Hutch and Chantal to kill Warden Murphy and prepare for a doubleheader in Las Vegas. So, I assume he’s ordering them to kill Dougie and Janey-E. Ha! Good luck going after Janey-E. She will destroy you all before you can even blink.

    Las Vegas

    In Las Vegas, Cooper and Janey-E are at the police station, as well as Dougie’s boss. He’s being interrogated about Dougie’s personality and explains that he’s always been a little off because he was in a car accident several years ago. Sometimes he just has some bad days, which explains how everyone has been conveniently excusing his super bizarre behavior. He’s also squeezing his hand similarly to Lil in FWWM. Not sure if that’s intentional or if it could just be a hand gesture leftover from his boxing days. The goofy Three Stooges-esque cops find out Dougie’s existence only goes back to 1997. So, I guess that’s when BOB manufactured him.

    It’s like talkin’ to a dog.”
    “And she does all the barking.”

    The cops get Cooper’s fingerprints from his coffee mug while he fixates on various objects in the waiting room: the American flag, the wall outlet, and a woman walking by in red high heels. Could this be a latent Audrey-related memory? Will Audrey be his final trigger into regular Cooper? Maybe, but I don’t think anything is that simple in this world. And I still believe he’ll be in his Dougie state until BOB is back where he belongs in the Black Lodge.

    The cops track down Ike the Spike, who’s planning to take some medical leave after his failed assassination attempt. Poor dude. Before he can make his getaway, all the cops show up. I enjoy his sad, defeated sigh as he holds up his comically bandaged hand.

    Buckhorn, SD

    Gordon hears about Briggs body from Ernie Hudson (so that’s who he was calling!) and, with Diane’s reluctant acceptance, (“Fuck you, Gordon, I wanna go home.”) makes a pit stop to Buckhorn, SD to check it out. She relents only because it’s a Blue Rose case. He also gets the news that Cooper has flown the coop.

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    While waiting around at the morgue and smoking against their permission (“It’s a fucking morgue!”), Diane receives a text: AROUND THE DINNER TABLE, THE CONVERSATION IS LIVELY. While this is obviously a message from BobCooper, I don’t think he is the one that sent it. If you want to get real insane about it like me, his text message was lowercase while this one was in all caps. But still, why is he contacting Diane? What happened the last time they met!? I have so many Diane questions. But I don’t think she has any nefarious intent. I think she just wants to find Cooper. The real Cooper. And perhaps she has her own way of doing it.

    As they look at the body of what could be Briggs, the age discrepancy is also confusing to Gordon and Albert. Briggs should have died 25 years ago in a fire at the age of this dead body but if this is Briggs, he should be in his 70s. Gordon reasons that he had contact with Cooper 25 years ago, and now, “Cooper” is showing up in this neck of the woods. The woman performing the autopsy (and who seems to have taken a liking to Albert and vice versa with their twisted humor) also reports that they found a ring inside Briggs’s body: “To Dougie, Love Janey-E.” Yes! Let’s connect these pieces! We’re getting so close to everyone meeting up! For those who doubted, I am surprised these pieces are connecting already and we still have nine more parts to go.

    Tammy interrogates poor, distraught Bill Hastings (Matthew Lillard) because he created a conspiracy blog about what we know as the Lodge but he calls the “Zone.” And before Ruth was murdered, his last entry said: “Today, we finally entered what we call the Zone. And we met the Major.” That is obviously very intriguing.

    Bill has even more pieces of the puzzle but they need to find out if he really did have contact with Major Briggs. If he does, that lends credence to the Lodges being real. And to the fact that Cooper might not be Cooper. Bill says the Major was hiding in the Zone and asked him and Ruth to get him some coordinates. Ruth and Bill brought him the coordinates but they were attacked by a bunch of people who killed Ruth. Tammy asks Bill to identify the Major in a lineup of six photos and he correctly points out Major Briggs.

    billhastins-part9 Continue reading