Stephanie Watches Orphan Black: 5.09 “One Fettered Slave”

    Helena (Tatiana Maslany)

    “I am the original. I am the light.”

    This is our Helena-centric episode of the season. We open the story on baby Helena in her Ukranian convent. (And yes, it threw me off that this was not Cynthia, the actress who plays all the young clones, but they wanted someone who was younger than her and someone who could speak excellent Ukranian. I think this new bb clone did an excellent job.) She’s stuffing her face with chocolate in a nun’s room. And that nun happens to come into the room, assuming she has full privacy, and begins masturbating. Helena watches on in curious confusion, clearly not understanding what she’s seeing. The nun catches her snooping and punishes her severely. Sister Irina is there but powerless to stop her. They dump her head in a bucket and pour bleach all over her head. And then they lock her in a closet. “I once lived in a broom closet for four months. I do not rot.”

    Soon, Tomas comes to retrieve her and take her under his wing in that Prolethean, clone-murdering life where we originally met Helena. Most of this we already knew. He taught her some English and brainwashed her into believing there are many copies that must be killed all over the world. But what he neglected to tell her was that she was one of them. So, Helena goes to kill her first copy — and once the girl falls back into her arms, blood spurting from her mouth, she sees that the girl has the same face as her. This messes with her entire belief system.

    You are the original. They copied your body but not your soul.”

    Helena believes this and begins her mission to destroy all the evil, soulless copies. Until she meets her twin sister Sarah and well, we know that story. To relieve herself of the pain of killing her copies — and all the rest of the pain she’s suffered under Tomas’s abuse — she begins cutting herself. And that’s how she develops those angel wings. We were wondering if she did one slash for each Leda she killed, but we saw her cutting herself in season 1 just to relieve the pressure building inside her.

    Back in the present timeline, Helena has been kidnapped and taken to an undisclosed location. But it sure doesn’t look like the island, does it? PT wants Coady to perform a C-section because he’s on the verge of death. He needs Helena’s babies so he can use the LIN28A mutation to save himself. Coady, at least in this moment, suggests they induce labor so Helena can have a natural birth, which is safer for Helena and the babies. But PT is impatient — and a little crazy now. With Rachel’s betrayal and reveal of his true identity, he’s lost his grip on most of Neolution. The board members are being systematically murdered and only PT’s fiercest believers remain: Coady, Mr. Frontenac, Enger. Continue reading

    Stephanie Watches Twin Peaks: Season 3 Part 13


    What story is that, Charlie?

    The Mitchum Brothers, Candie & Co., and Cooper are all celebrating their success in a conga line through Dougie’s office, much to Anthony’s horror. They give Bushnell a bunch of presents, including diamond cufflinks and a brand new car. They also gift a gym set to Sonny Jim (Sonny Gym?), as well as a new car for Janey-E.

    This gym set is very creepy and Black Lodgey with the spotlight dancing around it. And Sonny Jim jumps around, similarly to the jumping boy with a mask in FWWM. Again, maybe I’m reading into it, but there are no accidents in Twin Peaks, eh?

    But because the Mitchum Brothers didn’t kill Dougie, now Anthony has to devise a way to kill him for Mr. Todd. He chooses undetectable poison.

    The next morning, Anthony waits for Cooper at the office. Cooper runs into the clear glass of the door and just stands there until someone opens it for him. I feel like there was a building-wide memo: “Please help this man if you see him struggling with normal, everyday tasks.” Anthony offers to buy Cooper a cup of coffee, which he is obviously thrilled about. While Cooper is distracted by cherry pie (as is his custom), Anthony slips the poison into his coffee.


    On his way back to the table, Cooper spots some dandruff (?) or some sort of other white dust on Anthony’s shoulders and traces weird lines in it. Anthony breaks down in tears and takes the poison coffee away to dump into the toilet.

    Cooper has no idea what just happened and happily drinks Anthony’s coffee. And finally, he enjoys some damn fine coffee and a slice of cherry pie TOGETHER. But this still isn’t enough to wake sweet Dale from his Dougie-coma. Anthony confesses his affiliation with Mr. Todd to Bushnell, even though Cooper already unintentionally brought it all to light. I assume Anthony is not long for this world.


    BobCooper arrives at Ray’s meeting place. He just wants his coordinates but he has to go through all these goons first to get to Ray. Plus, he has to challenge “the boss” to an arm wrestling match. If he wins, he becomes the boss and everyone there has to do what he says. If he loses, he has to work for the boss and do what he says.

    What is this? Kindergarten? Nursery school?”

    BobCooper obviously has some crazy super BOB strength going for him so he’s undeterred by this arm wrestling match. Also, I don’t know how Ray thought he was going to get out of this (or that buff Billy Corgan was going to beat BobCooper for that matter) after he supposedly killed BobCooper and then saw a bunch of spirits come to his aid.


    The bossman thinks he’s winning but BobCooper is just messing with him, flinging his arm back and forth. “Starting position is more comfortable.” He easily bests him… And then punches the dude so hard in the face that it collapses in on itself.

    BobCooper’s new crew leaves him to speak privately with Ray. A non-threatening man in a suit lingers for a moment: “Do you need any money?” So random but that cracked me up. BobCooper shoots Ray in the leg so he can’t go anywhere. So, Ray spills the beans: Phillip Jeffries is his contact. (I’m starting to believe more and more that Bowie might really make an appearance.)

    He says you’ve got something inside that they want.”

    Ray has the Black Lodge ring thanks to some unknown guard at the prison and explains that he was supposed to put it on BobCooper after he killed him. BobCooper tells him to put it on his ring finger on his left hand. Ray gives him the coordinates and also divulges that Jeffries is in a place called the Dutchman’s. While this conversation is happening, Richard Horne appears and watches the end of this exchange. (Father and son reunion is imminent, perhaps?)

    BobCooper has all he needs and shoots Ray in the head. The ring disappears from his hand and falls into the Black Lodge. Ray’s bloody body appears on the floor of the Lodge. Gotta soak up all that garmonbozia, yeah? The One-Armed Man picks up the ring and puts it on the usual display. Continue reading

    Stephanie Watches Orphan Black: 5.08 “Guillotines Decide”

    Mrs. S (Maria Doyle Kennedy)

    Where to even begin? I suppose I’ll start where we left off — Rachel’s cut out her Neolution eye with the broken stem of her martini glass in the most badass, horrifying scene ever. But she’s bleeding out with few allies left. Who shows up to aid her? Ferdinand. She’s treated, her eye is sewn up, and she’s put to bed. How did Ferdinand know to show up right on time? Well, as we find out, he’s been Siobhan’s informant the whole time.

    Sarah, however, is still in the dark and her suspicions are on the rise. But Felix and Adele have returned from their trek to Switzerland to follow Neolution’s money trail with the perfect distraction: Felix’s art show! As we’ve seen since the beginning, Felix has an affinity for painting his sestras, so now he finally gets the chance to showcase them for a famous art dealer.  Siobhan thinks it’s a great idea for everyone to take a break and enjoy themselves for awhile since Neolution is in disarray.

    But Siobhan really just wants her suspicious daughter to stop fussing and trying to figure out her plans. As Siobhan heads out to get some flowers for Felix’s show, Sarah chases after her demanding to know more. Sarah says “mum” all frustrated but it comes out like “MAAAM,” and it’s very cute. Sarah is, of course, correct as Siobhan goes to meet with Delphine, Ferdinand, and Rachel for next steps in their plan to take down Neolution.

    Both Siobhan and Delphine are loathed to have been working with MK’s murderer, but it was the only way to get to the bottom of the puzzle — and Ferdinand turned out to be the key to getting close to Rachel. Siobhan and Delphine have collected a ton of evidence, but they need Rachel for all the really deep secrets. Since she was CEO of DYAD and now is very invested in taking down PT specifically for all his creepy spying and lying, Siobhan wants to take a gamble on her ties to her nature versus her nurture.

    Neo’s big plan is for the 1% to get some genetically altered babies using Kira’s LIN28A mutation, while Coady’s piece of the puzzle will be to sterilize women throughout the world – thus creating a world of genetic perfection in PT & Coady’s minds. Not cool.


    Siobhan wants to expose Neolution to the world while Ferdinand has other plans. He wants to exploit the remaining Neo board members and get them to pay off him and Rachel for what they know. With the money, they could have a dynasty and become even more powerful… Rachel suggests she and Ferdinand run off together, take the sizable nest egg she’s accrued, and live their lives in peace far away from everything. After everything this world has taken from her, she really wants to give it all up. She says this in earnest, tears sparkling her eyes.Ferdinand is too greedy, however. And that is the beginning of his downfall.  I believe she really wanted to run off into the sunset with Ferdinand and forget about everything else. She believes he’s the only person that ever truly loved her. And he’s the last one left to fail her.

    Meanwhile, Gracie returned to find Helena for Mark and Coady. She even lies to Helena, claiming Mark is dead and she has nowhere else left to go. After Helena showing her kindness, Gracie changes her mind about giving Helena up. But Coady suspects she was lying and sends Neo Bitch Cop after her. I was not a fan of Gracie after her shenanigans in season 3 but damn, girl didn’t deserve to be put down execution style in front of Helena. So, now Helena is en route to Coady. More on that next episode…

    Felix’s art show does not disappoint. He’s decked out his home with all his sestra portraits. Hellwizard is spinning, Donnie is bartending, and the important gallery owners are in attendance. When there seems to be a lull, Alison gets a great idea: use the sestras for a clone swap to represent all the portraits in living form.

    Alison is the first up: Hestia, goddess of hearth and home. She speaks to the gallery owners about how she lives in Bailey Downs with her husband. “No alcohol for me! I have to drive the soccer bus!” This line delivery cracks me up every time.

    When Cosima switches out with her, Felix announces her as Metis, goddess of wisdom and deep thought. She isn’t sure what to do with all eyes on her, so she dances on a portrait of Rachel on the floor. Delphine is also there to join the fun and do tequila shots with Felix and Donnie. She even buys Felix’s portrait of Cosima.

    Sarah arrives on a rampage after Adele “spilled some beans” about S working with Ferdinand. But there’s little time to dwell as Felix introduces her to the crowd: Athena, goddess of war. She throws up some punk ‘fuck you’s to the audience. She’s the most resistant at first and we get a cute “Play along or I’ll kill you” from Felix. Very brotherly.

    When Siobhan finally appears with flowers for Felix, Sarah bombards her. S explains that she had to keep Sarah in the dark because she knew she couldn’t stomach working with Ferdinand but S did what she had to do. Now they have Rachel’s cooperation and everything is falling into place. This puts Sarah at ease knowing all that S did for her and her sisters and knowing that it’s almost over. Art is even at the show, and he and Sarah share a tender moment as they look at Felix’s Beth portrait. (While I watched this episode the first time, I texted my friend: “Ohhh no, I can’t handle Beth feels on top of all this other shit that’s going on!” Hahaha.)

    Felix greets his audience, pulling Sarah on stage as his original muse. Siobhan films them with her phone like a proper proud mum. Until Felix pulls her on stage. And Sarah pulls Adele. And then I was just a sobbing mess as Felix gave his speech.


    My sister and I are orphans, you see, and we could’ve ended up anywhere. We could’ve ended up in any family. And if we had, we would’ve ended up being entirely different people. But my mom, Siobhan, this woman — she chose us as her own. We are who we are because she carried two little London urchins on her wings to Canada. Watching her raise my sister, watching my sister raise her own daughter, finding my biological sister, it’s quite mad. It’s taught me that we are all mysterious works of chance. Of choice. Of nature versus nurture. So, to my galaxy of women — thank you for the nurture.”

    Continue reading