Stephanie Watches The Crazy Ones 1×03: “Bad Dad”

The third episode of The Crazy Ones hit so very close to home for me. Simon and Sydney are working with Allstate Insurance to come up with a commercial campaign about dads and daughters experiencing various life milestones. And the one they choose to make first is a dad teaching his daughter how to drive. Both Sydney and Simon are ridiculously excited about this commercial since it’s based on their lives and bring in a focus group to test it.

They grin and laugh together as a commercial shows a dad screaming and yelling at his daughter as she drives down a busy highway for the first time trying desperately not to get them killed. The focus group looks horrified as they watch, but Simon and Sydney don’t see anything wrong since that’s what her first time driving was like. And she revealed that it was her one and only experience driving. Sydney never got her driver’s license.

Now everyone in the office is confused and horrified since she is a “30-something” woman who never learned to drive.

I’m going to defend Sydney here because I never got my driver’s license either. I was living in St. Louis when I started learning how to drive, a place where you really need a car to get around. I went out a few times to practice with my dad, mom, granddad, but truth be told, I never felt comfortable behind the wheel. Driving scared me and I didn’t trust myself enough to ever feel comfortable being in control of a giant metal death machine. And my dad also got rid of the car I was learning on (it was a crappy jalopy) and instead got a giant Dodge Ram truck–and there was no way in hell I was going to even attempt to drive that thing. I carpooled to school with friends and had my parents or friends pick me up/take me home for hangouts. I always chipped in for gas money and I got around town just fine that way, so I just never needed a license (nor did I really want one). And then I moved to Iowa City for college, where I lived on campus or used the free Cambus to get around for the next three years. Once again, I didn’t need a car.

Now I live in Chicago! Although Chicago’s transit system makes me want to scream sometimes, I can’t imagine owning a car in this city. That would be an even bigger nightmare. So, here I am a 25-year-old woman living in Chicago without a driver’s license! I get you, Sydney, don’t worry.

Well, poor Sydney gets tricked into a driving lesson by Simon in downtown Chicago. Are you kidding me!? I would probably be screaming just as much as her in these scenes. Not even the best driver can really handle the Michigan Avenue traffic. This, however, created some pretty hilarious scenes:

“Honey, don’t worry about the bird, he’s gonna move.”
“Honey, the bird’s gonna move.”
“He’s gonna move. He’s gonna move.”
“I honestly thought he was gonna move.”

Eventually, Simon and Sydney screamed out their frustrations until she accidentally hit someone else’s car, which just so happened to be a dad teaching his daughter how to drive. After they correct the duo from thinking she was his wife (SMG made a perfectly disgusted face here), Sydney comes to realize that even though she never learned how to drive, Simon taught her so many more awesome, invaluable things (like how to pick locks with a hairpin..). Aww.

While Simon and Sydney were out driving and bonding, Lauren points out to Andrew that he is Zach’s remora, or suckerfish; always taking his leftovers, whether it be girls or the leftover salt in a bag of chips. Andrew tries his best to fight against this, but eventually comes to term with the fact that he doesn’t mind getting Zach’s girl leftovers because he’s still getting a girl. In the end, Lauren points out that Zach is Simon’s remora to show Andrew that everyone has and needs one.

The episode concludes with Simon taking Sydney camping in an attempt to correct their failed camping trip from her childhood. Of course, they’re just in a tent in their office, but she’s still terrified.

The best part of the episode for me (and all Buffy fans) happened at the blooper reel at the end. I promptly screamed when this happened:

*Top photo credit to Sarah-Michelle-Gellar.us
*Last photo from tumblr

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