SHIELD was CRAZY in the two-part finale! Shit went DOWN.
As we know from last time, Skye’s mother orchestrated a plot to start a war with SHIELD. She killed Adama, shot herself, then had some of her fellow Inhumans shoot missiles at Afterlife from SHIELD’s quinjet to make everyone, especially Skye, think SHIELD was attacking. Always wanting to see the good in people, Skye believed her mother and even fought back against May! But she still had questions and sought out Raina, of all people, for answers. Her clairvoyance showed her not only Skye’s fate, but her own. So, in a way, Raina sacrificed herself to Jiaying so Skye could witness her true nature and become the true leader of the Inhumans.
With the knowledge of the kind of person her mother really is, the Inhumans kidnap her and lock her up. Great.
Back at the SHIELD base, Cal is getting ready to Hulk out. He took several vials of his Hyde concoction and reveals his plan to Coulson was to kill as many SHIELD agents as possible for his wifeypoo. Unfortunately, he’s taken more than ever before and his heart stops. Jemma jabs him with adrenaline and poof! That was the key ingredient missing from his drug. He transforms into a cro magnon lookin’ dude with giant hands and super strength. He chases FitzSimmons and Coulson through the base, which was super duper hilarious. Although Cal was big and scary, I was laughing my butt off at him chasing everyone around because Kyle Maclachlan is my precious. Finally, Coulson corners him and gets to the heart of the problem: Jiaying.
Turns out, that Jiaying had been behind his murders and massacres all along. To keep her alive, her brought her people to “feed” on to restore her youth and heal her wounds. After Hydra cut her up and Cal put her back together, she was never the same and required so many lives to go on. Hence the “village massacre” that Cal committed. She spent all her time making Cal do her dirty work and pretending to be the innocent one in all this. He finally changes his tune when he realizes that she could now be corrupting his Daisy. So, he decides to team up with Dad!Coulson and FitzSimmons to save Daisy.
On the other side of the story, Ward and Agent 33 have kidnaped Bobbi. And decided to try their hand at giving manicures. Spoiler alert: they suck! They anesthetize Bobbi’s hands and Ward sticks a bunch of needles through her fingers. Uckkkkkkksdjkhfksdj. (I hate torturey things having to do with fingernails/eyeballs/earballs.) The feeling gradually starts coming back, but Bobbi doesn’t break. Instead, she BREAKS OUT. And beats the crap out of both of them. But then Ward breaks her leg (I assume) and they tie her up, get a gun triggered for when the door opens, and lures Hunter (who was on the case already with May) to her.
May, Hunter, and some other SHIELD agents locate her and, with some trickery, manage to lure Agent 33 out. She thinks she’s going to get the upper hand and puts on May’s face. Without even a hello, Ward shoots her a bazillion times until she’s dead. And then he realizes the terrible mistake he’s made. Womp womp.
When Hunter finds Bobbi and opens the door, she throws herself–still tied to a chair–in front of the bullet meant for his head, taking it in her back. Awww. She sacrificed herself for Hunter. Babies. <3 But she’s okay, so that’s good.
Back on the SHIELD 2.0 boat, Jiaying is taking over. She wants to infect the WHOLE WORLD with her crazy terrigen crystals to kill off everyone who isn’t a potential Inhuman, while also taking back their weird melty rock in the basement of the boat. Mack gets Skye out of the brig and the two of them battle it out against the wayward Inhumans. Coulson, Fitz, and Cal arrive on the boat; Cal goes to deal with his wifey and Coulson heads to the basement. Fitz has derived a way to trap Gordon in one space, and he, Coulson, and Mack battle it out with him. The writers are evil and make us think that Gordon stabbed Fitz, but Fitz actually stabbed him! But as he falls to his death, he drops a terrigen crystal. Coulson dives to grab it to prevent it from exploding and killing everyone in the room, but the moment he touches it, his arm starts to crystallize….
AND THEN MACK CHOPS COULSON’S FRIGGEN ARM OFF!! AHhhhhhhhHAHahakahkjshgjsldkj!
I screamed super loud. If you couldn’t tell.
Meanwhile, a family reunion is happening on the top of the ship where Skye is trying to stop a quinjet from spreading the terrigen crystals to the rest of the world. Jiaying realizes she can’t convince her daughter that SHIELD is bad, so she starts sucking the life out of her. Skye, in turn, taps into her powers and pushes the jet into the ocean, then starts sucking the life out of her mom right back. “It’s a whole sucking thing,” as Buffy would say. Cal intervenes and the family reunion turns sour as he then squeezes the life out of mommy dearest, breaking her body until she is finally dead. Without a life provided to her to restore her health, that’s the end of Jiaying.
At least Skye and Cal get to have a proper goodbye, complete with a hug that totally didn’t make me cry. Nope, not at all. She promises to visit him and give him “the best day ever.” But his best day ever? The day she was born. Oh god, is that dust in my eye again?
The next time we see Cal, he’s a different man. He runs a veterinary clinic and doesn’t even recognize his Daisy, but loves her name. The moment he said “magical place,” we all knew his fate. Although it’s sad that Cal has been TAHITI’d, Skye appreciates that they didn’t just lock him up and throw away the key. This way, she can still see him. But Coulson has a very important mission: he wants her to run her own division of SHIELD full of powered people! OoooOooH! Maybe Lincoln will join? And Deathlok?
And if all this wasn’t painful enough, we had to endure watching Fitz and Simmons make plans for a date, only to have Simmons be sucked into the Inhumans melty rock! So rude, AoS writers.
Auuuugh, I can’t wait for next season! I’m assuming Jemma got teleported to some Inhuman world or is just part of the rock thing now. Who knows. But we do know she is part of next season, so she’s not gone for good.
- Skye: She just killed them. All of them. Didn’t even think about it.
Mack: Yeah, I thought *my* mom was bad when she started watching Fox News.
- Mack called Gorden “No-Eyes” and that made me happy since I always say, “Good ol’ No-Eyes”
- “Science, BIATCH!”
- The moment Jemma mentioned what happened underwater last season, I thought one of them was done for. Which is why the Gordon stabbing was 10x eviler than it should have been. And why the end was even meaner. Damn you, Whedons!
- “Tell me you figured out what drugs Cal took because my gut’s saying, ‘Everything ever made.’”
- Seems like Ward will be the main villain for next season… Hmmm! I wonder if redemption is still out of the question? :( I just loved when they were all back together.
- I guess people are going to be getting sick (how much terrigen crystal does it take to kill someone?) and superpowers all over the world after taking their vitamins? Lol. Maybe I should start taking Fish Oil.
- Netflix is adding season 2 on June 11! You can relive all of this so soon! Or catch up if you’re behind.