Stephanie Watches Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.: 2×21&22 “SOS”

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SHIELD was CRAZY in the two-part finale! Shit went DOWN.

As we know from last time, Skye’s mother orchestrated a plot to start a war with SHIELD. She killed Adama, shot herself, then had some of her fellow Inhumans shoot missiles at Afterlife from SHIELD’s quinjet to make everyone, especially Skye, think SHIELD was attacking. Always wanting to see the good in people, Skye believed her mother and even fought back against May! But she still had questions and sought out Raina, of all people, for answers. Her clairvoyance showed her not only Skye’s fate, but her own. So, in a way, Raina sacrificed herself to Jiaying so Skye could witness her true nature and become the true leader of the Inhumans.

With the knowledge of the kind of person her mother really is, the Inhumans kidnap her and lock her up. Great.

Back at the SHIELD base, Cal is getting ready to Hulk out. He took several vials of his Hyde concoction and reveals his plan to Coulson was to kill as many SHIELD agents as possible for his wifeypoo. Unfortunately, he’s taken more than ever before and his heart stops. Jemma jabs him with adrenaline and poof! That was the key ingredient missing from his drug. He transforms into a cro magnon lookin’ dude with giant hands and super strength. He chases FitzSimmons and Coulson through the base, which was super duper hilarious. Although Cal was big and scary, I was laughing my butt off at him chasing everyone around because Kyle Maclachlan is my precious. Finally, Coulson corners him and gets to the heart of the problem: Jiaying.

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Turns out, that Jiaying had been behind his murders and massacres all along. To keep her alive, her brought her people to “feed” on to restore her youth and heal her wounds. After Hydra cut her up and Cal put her back together, she was never the same and required so many lives to go on. Hence the “village massacre” that Cal committed. She spent all her time making Cal do her dirty work and pretending to be the innocent one in all this. He finally changes his tune when he realizes that she could now be corrupting his Daisy. So, he decides to team up with Dad!Coulson and FitzSimmons to save Daisy.

On the other side of the story, Ward and Agent 33 have kidnaped Bobbi. And decided to try their hand at giving manicures. Spoiler alert: they suck! They anesthetize Bobbi’s hands and Ward sticks a bunch of needles through her fingers. Uckkkkkkksdjkhfksdj. (I hate torturey things having to do with fingernails/eyeballs/earballs.) The feeling gradually starts coming back, but Bobbi doesn’t break. Instead, she BREAKS OUT. And beats the crap out of both of them. But then Ward breaks her leg (I assume) and they tie her up, get a gun triggered for when the door opens, and lures Hunter (who was on the case already with May) to her.

May, Hunter, and some other SHIELD agents locate her and, with some trickery, manage to lure Agent 33 out. She thinks she’s going to get the upper hand and puts on May’s face. Without even a hello, Ward shoots her a bazillion times until she’s dead. And then he realizes the terrible mistake he’s made. Womp womp.

When Hunter finds Bobbi and opens the door, she throws herself–still tied to a chair–in front of the bullet meant for his head, taking it in her back. Awww. She sacrificed herself for Hunter. Babies. <3 But she’s okay, so that’s good.

Back on the SHIELD 2.0 boat, Jiaying is taking over. She wants to infect the WHOLE WORLD with her crazy terrigen crystals to kill off everyone who isn’t a potential Inhuman, while also taking back their weird melty rock in the basement of the boat. Mack gets Skye out of the brig and the two of them battle it out against the wayward Inhumans. Coulson, Fitz, and Cal arrive on the boat; Cal goes to deal with his wifey and Coulson heads to the basement. Fitz has derived a way to trap Gordon in one space, and he, Coulson, and Mack battle it out with him. The writers are evil and make us think that Gordon stabbed Fitz, but Fitz actually stabbed him! But as he falls to his death, he drops a terrigen crystal. Coulson dives to grab it to prevent it from exploding and killing everyone in the room, but the moment he touches it, his arm starts to crystallize….

AND THEN MACK CHOPS COULSON’S FRIGGEN ARM OFF!! AHhhhhhhhHAHahakahkjshgjsldkj!

I screamed super loud. If you couldn’t tell.

Meanwhile, a family reunion is happening on the top of the ship where Skye is trying to stop a quinjet from spreading the terrigen crystals to the rest of the world. Jiaying realizes she can’t convince her daughter that SHIELD is bad, so she starts sucking the life out of her. Skye, in turn, taps into her powers and pushes the jet into the ocean, then starts sucking the life out of her mom right back. “It’s a whole sucking thing,” as Buffy would say. Cal intervenes and the family reunion turns sour as he then squeezes the life out of mommy dearest, breaking her body until she is finally dead. Without a life provided to her to restore her health, that’s the end of Jiaying.

At least Skye and Cal get to have a proper goodbye, complete with a hug that totally didn’t make me cry. Nope, not at all. She promises to visit him and give him “the best day ever.” But his best day ever? The day she was born. Oh god, is that dust in my eye again?

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The next time we see Cal, he’s a different man. He runs a veterinary clinic and doesn’t even recognize his Daisy, but loves her name. The moment he said “magical place,” we all knew his fate. Although it’s sad that Cal has been TAHITI’d, Skye appreciates that they didn’t just lock him up and throw away the key. This way, she can still see him. But Coulson has a very important mission: he wants her to run her own division of SHIELD full of powered people! OoooOooH! Maybe Lincoln will join? And Deathlok?

And if all this wasn’t painful enough, we had to endure watching Fitz and Simmons make plans for a date, only to have Simmons be sucked into the Inhumans melty rock! So rude, AoS writers.

Auuuugh, I can’t wait for next season! I’m assuming Jemma got teleported to some Inhuman world or is just part of the rock thing now. Who knows. But we do know she is part of next season, so she’s not gone for good.

Other things:

  • Skye: She just killed them. All of them. Didn’t even think about it.
    Mack: Yeah, I thought *my* mom was bad when she started watching Fox News.
  • Mack called Gorden “No-Eyes” and that made me happy since I always say, “Good ol’ No-Eyes”
  • “Science, BIATCH!”
  • The moment Jemma mentioned what happened underwater last season, I thought one of them was done for. Which is why the Gordon stabbing was 10x eviler than it should have been. And why the end was even meaner. Damn you, Whedons!
  • “Tell me you figured out what drugs Cal took because my gut’s saying, ‘Everything ever made.’”
  • Seems like Ward will be the main villain for next season… Hmmm! I wonder if redemption is still out of the question? :( I just loved when they were all back together.
  • I guess people are going to be getting sick (how much terrigen crystal does it take to kill someone?) and superpowers all over the world after taking their vitamins? Lol. Maybe I should start taking Fish Oil.
  • Netflix is adding season 2 on June 11! You can relive all of this so soon! Or catch up if you’re behind.

Stephanie Watches Game of Thrones: 5×06 “Unbowed, Unbent, Unbroken”

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I’ve never had to cover my eyes while watching. I’ve never felt too uncomfortable watching. Until last night’s episode. They crossed the line. I know they are known for doing outrageous things that go against the book, killing off people still alive, etc. That’s fine. But when you subject an innocent character to torture that she never needed to experience, I can’t even fathom what the writers are thinking.

Sansa Stark has been stuck with awful people since King Robert Baratheon made his journey to Winterfell. She’d been tortured by Joffrey, manipulated by Cersei, Littlefinger, and the Tyrells, stuck in a marriage and a place that killed half of her family. And when she finally gets out? She is put in an even worse situation. Sure, she’s home in Winterfell. But now she’s married to someone I’ve always thought of as worse than Joffrey. Ramsay Bolton, who tortures and flays people for fun. Who sends girls who displease him off into the woods to hunt and then names his dogs after whoever they killed.

Despite all that Sansa has been through on the show, she always fights back, she always bounces back. She’s endured more than anyone. But in that final scene of the episode, she endured more than she ever needed to.

The writers of the show decided that Sansa should be wed to Ramsay Bolton, which I was already furious about. And since he is such a cruel jackass, they decided that he, of all people in the world, needed to take her virtue. Joffrey didn’t even do that, despite his many chances. Tyrion didn’t do that because, even though he can be kind of a dick, he understood that Sansa was still a child. But Sansa’s virtue, the only thing that was still hers, was taken from her in the most violent manner possible.

And what’s worse is that the show made it more about Theon’s pain and Ramsay’s power. I love Theon, I’ve been on his side since the beginning. But that scene should not have been about him. It should have been about Sansa, losing the final piece of all that she holds dear to her. Sure, that whole scene illustrated how awful and cruel Ramsay truly is–because it seemed like the show was forgetting with giving him so much damn screen time last week–but was it necessary? No. In the book, something similar happens to Jeyne Poole. Ramsay commands Reek/Theon to pleasure Jeyne (who Ramsay thinks is Arya Stark) to get her ready for him. That is also obviously awful and gross. And that was more about Theon since Jeyne/Ramsay are not POV characters.

But this should have been about Sansa. Sansa’s struggles came to a head. And I feel ill knowing that this was her fate on the show when in the books she is in a village, eating lemon cakes, has some lady friends, and just danced with a very attractive knight. She’s better off as Alayne. The show should have left her that way.

I know that Show!Sansa will come out of this as strong as ever. And if they have to change anymore, then I would love for her to torture and murder Ramsay and take back her home. Sansa deserves to win the game of thrones and be one of the last people standing. I want the men of the world to stop controlling her. It’s time for her to take a stand and fight back with more than just accepting her fate. She’s learned to play the game and played it well, but she needs to fight back and do more than simply survive. She needs to kill. And she needs to kill Ramsay. That is the only thing I can accept at this point.

Stephanie Watches Game of Thrones: 5×05 “Kill the Boy”

Sansa accurately depicting all viewers during Bolton-heavy scenes.

Sansa accurately depicting all viewers during Bolton-heavy scenes.

Oh good, an episode dominated by the Boltons, Westeros’s most loved family! All I ever wanted was more time with Ramsay, so I could see the beautiful relationship between him and his girlfriend, see him taunt and torture Theon some more, and watch my poor Sansa deal with living with them. Oh joy!

I like Roose and all (mainly because his voice is kind of enchanting…), but ugh, I really don’t need more time with Ramsay. But hey maybe Stannis will come and slaughter him for me!

Speaking of Stannis, he and his family and everyone in his army are off to take Winterfell, while Jon has made a deal with Tormund to go rescue the wildlings from beyond the Wall. Winter is coming (in case you forgot!), which means armies and armies of whitewalkers will be coming too.

Across the Narrow Sea in Mereen, Daenerys is gradually turning in to the Mad King. Granted, her top advisor was killed in an alley by the Sons of the Harpy, so she’s pretty pissed off. And so is everyone who read the books, but yeah. I mean, it’s fine…not like Ser Barristan is still alive, even in the 6th book. Sure, whatever, top swordsman in the world, killed by some lame-os on the street. Yeah, cool. But I’m not bitter.

Anyway, Dany rounds up the leaders of the most powerful families and takes them to see her dragon bbs. She shoves one of them out and in front of the dragons, they roast him alive, and tear him in half (reminded me of that scene in The Lost World Jurassic Park with the two T-Rexes), which was really bloody and awesome. But………. I really don’t think that’s very in character for Dany. I get that she wants to show her power to these people and take revenge for what happened to Barristan, but she also has her dragons locked away because they were eating people! I don’t see her encouraging that behavior, but perhaps I’m wrong. She just seems a little crazier than usual.

After giving it a lot of thought and not wanting to risk any more of her people, Dany decides to re-open the fighting pits for free people and also to marry a high-ranking member of a powerful family. So, she tells Hizdahr she will marry him. It’s always a good idea to marry someone you threatened to feed to your dragons and was also probably ordering the Sons to kill all of your army. He will surely not be bitter.

Jorah and Tyrion are still on their way to Dany. While passing through Valyria, they are attacked by Stone Men–those who have been terribly afflicted by greyscale. Tyrion falls overboard and is pulled down by the stone dudes. BUT Jorah rescues him! Only to have been afflicted with greyscale! Poor dude can’t catch a break.

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Other things:

  • We got to learn a little about maester training from Sam and how he always wanted to be one. Hopefully that will be the first step in Sam’s journey.
  • Sansa got a new dress for dinner and it was very reminiscent of Catelyn’s Winterfell garb, which I appreciated.
  • Maester Aemon is still the cutest lil old man. It makes me sad that he wants to help Dany but he is so far away.
  • Shireen and Davos are also the cutest.
  • Grey Worm and Missandei …now that they’ve kissed…uhhh…Hmm.  He is kind of “ill equipped” for a relationship.

Stephanie Watches Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.: 2×20 “Scars”

The aftermath of Avengers: Age of Ultron was mainly background noise for the Agents of SHIELD. Minus the fact that Coulson was hiding the construction of a new (SPOILER ALERT!) helicarrier. Otherwise, it was mainly just some destruction footage on the TVs and random mentions of Ultron being a crazy pants. I think Winter Soldier had a much more intense impact on the show, considering it was the fall of SHIELD. But it’s still fun when all these things tie together. I just think the storyline with the Inhumans will be playing a much larger role when Civil War rolls around.

Other SHIELD agreed to let Coulson remain Director of SHIELD once the “Theta Protocol” came to light post-Age of Ultron, but he agreed to let the others help him out by counseling him on all the important matters. And the first thing to do? Figure out what to do now that they know where the Inhumans’ “Afterlife” base is.

Skye begs Coulson to let her and Lincoln (who is all better, by the way) go there first to talk to her mom and explain why SHIELD is coming. Nobody wants to start a war, but SHIELD does want to index all of them in case any of them ever use their powers for badness. But the Inhumans have suffered a long history of terrible fates whenever SHIELD is involved. Jiaying has likely suffered the worst at the hands of Whitehall when HYDRA was experimenting on her and she sees very little distinction between the two organizations. So, everyone is naturally very wary of this meeting.

And to make matters worse, Adama decides that he’ll go meet with her instead of Coulson.

Cal realizes how crazy this could all get, so he offers himself up to SHIELD to make the negotiations smoother. He and Skye have a nice little heart-to-heart and he and Jiaying have a few adorable scenes together. I love how he Hulk-smashed a table and she’s just like, Oh you!

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Adam brings what he thinks is a a peace offering to Jiaying in the form of a Chinese charm, the one meant for baby Daisy. But it’s not enough for her. “I’ve lived enough life to see countless people profiled for their differences.” As we know, the height of HYDRA’s power was during World War II and Jiaying was very much alive then, so she’s seen first-hand what labeling people causes: war, destruction, genocide. She can’t risk the same fate for her people. So, she takes matters in to her own hands. She smashes a terrigenesis crystal that her people have learned to develop since there are only a few diviners left in the world. She knows Adama is obviously not Inhuman, so the reaction is exactly as expected. He turns to stone and crumbles to death. To make it look like she was simply defending herself, she shoots herself a few times and literally proclaims: “This means war.”

So, while trying to avoid a war through profiling/indexing her people, she started a war anyway. A…Civil War perhaps? Ha. Sorry.

Oh yeah, also Agent 33 tricked Bobbi into believing she was Agent May. 33 is pissed because Bobbi did nothing to help her while she was undercover at HYDRA. I kinda don’t blame her since she was being horribly tortured by Whitehall and undoubtedly Bobbi had to know something was going on given her status there. The two duked it out and then Ward iced Bobbi in the head. And for about five horrible seconds, I thought he had killed her. But nope! Just going to use her as some sort of bargaining or torture chip. Who knows. Those two are craycray.

Other things:

  • Patton Oswalt’s morning montage and facetiming with himself was hilarious. And selecting all his fancy lanyards. Loved it!
  • Mama May seems a tad bit jealous that Skye found her real mama.
  • Jemma admitted to Fitz that she tried to kill Ward, but failed. So, now with Bobbi in his clutches, she will inevitably blame herself if something happens to her. (But considering there was a potential Huntingbird spinoff in the works, which did not get picked up, I have a feeling she will be fine.)
  • Mack quit SHIELD. Not too surprising. But maybe he’ll get pulled back in with Bobbi being missing.
  • Hunter drawing spikes on Raina’s face was the best.

And in case you missed the big news: ABC HAS RENEWED AGENT CARTER AND AGENTS OF SHIELD! Yay!!!!

Stephanie Watches Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.: 2×19 “The Dirty Half Dozen”

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This might be my favorite episode of the season. Because everyone was together for the first time since the fall of SHIELD. I know that Ward has some questionable morals and has done some terrible things, but I was SO happy to see everyone on the Bus, prepping for a mission together. *heart eyes*

So Deathlok and Lincoln were captured by HYDRA at the end of last week’s episode. And that’s never a good thing, considering Whitehall’s mantra of “discovery through experimentation.” Once Deathlok eyeball is removed, Coulson and co. realize they need to rescue them. He brings Ward back to the base, much to May’s dismay. And he meets with Adama, who agrees to let Coulson take his own team for the mission.

Jemma has her own mission and is starting to become a little cray cray. She’s headed down a dark path, which is very interesting for her character. Fitz was joking about taking Ward out, but Jemma is ready to do it. She thinks she’s protecting Fitz, Skye, and everyone on her team by taking a secret weapon with her on the mission. But I don’t think she’s prepared for the consequences of actually killing someone. (She’s kind of the Willow of the group in that way…)

Back at the Inhuman ranch, Raina sees Skye saving Lincoln, so she begs her mom to let her go to her friends to help. She agrees and Skye pops on the Bus to say hi to everyone. EVERYONE IS UNITED!

And then Ward starts giving the mission brief, which leads to one of the most hilarious scenes all season. (It’s been a rough, depressing season, so yay.)

Ward: Alright. Can we just address the elephant on the plane? I know this is weird. Mistakes were made…
Fitz: By you.
Ward: And..people got hurt.
Fitz: By you.

Ward: We were a good team, weren’t we?
Skye: I’m still happy I shot you.
Fitz: Yeah, me too.
Simmons: Should have aimed for the face.
May: Yeah.

Coulson: And Ward? No more talking… to people.

Once that’s settled, they let HYDRA blow up the Bus and land the Quinjet safely on the HYDRA base. The team splits up and Skye finally gets to show off her powers. Ward is in awe, as I knew he would be. And I’m so proud of my bb Skye for being able to control them, especially in a time of such heightened emotion and stress. (Ward is by her side; Lincoln is in trouble; people are shooting at her!)

After that follows the most badass fight sequence I’ve ever seen on the show. Skye’s training with May has paid off in spades with this one-take/no-cuts/camera-following-Skye fight scene against several HYDRA agents. Ahhhh I can’t deal with how awesome it is!

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Skye finally finds Lincoln, who is dying. She taps in to his power using her own and sparks him back to life.

With Ward distracted, Jemma finds the moment to take out her secret weapon. But Bakshi, who had been helping them out, interferes. The weapon secures to him instead and he disintegrates. RIP cute Bakshi. Ward seems rather hurt that Jemma would try to do that since he was being good and, you know, not killing anyone during the mission. But after threatening her with a gun to her head, he runs off.

Everyone escapes unscathed, except for Deathlok and Lincoln, but they’ll be okay.

Adama is glad that he has powered people in his clutches now, but Bobbi is not too pleased with his ulterior motive. She’s going to have to make a choice soon between people like Skye and her boss. I hope she chooses the former.

I also find it interesting that Ward left Agent 33 with SHIELD. He says it’s so that she can find herself, but I get the feeling she might be a mole. Although she did look awfully distressed when he didn’t return with the others. Hmm.

Maria Hill makes an appearance on SHIELD Skype from her office at Stark Industries (in case you didn’t see the little logo on her computer). Coulson tells her that they need to initiate Theta protocol.

What’s that, you ask? BRING IN THE AVENGERS!!! BOOM!

Avengers: Age of Ultron comes out this Friday! (And I’ll be seeing it on Thursday night! Wooo!)

Other things:

  • “I thought her gift was spinning really fast to collect gold rings.”
  • Cal gets to stay on the Inhuman ranch for a while! Yay! A happy Cal is a good Cal!
  • Fitz: I attacked him back at the Quinjet. Hunter had to pull me off him.
    Simmons: Really?
    Fitz: Yeah, lucky for him.
  • THE GROUP WAS BACK TOGETHER. I cannot stress enough how happy this made me.
  • “Wish I hadn’t eaten that Hot Pocket earlier.”
  • I hope Raina doesn’t become a plot device with her visions. The lead-in to Avengers was awesome though.

Stephanie Watches Game of Thrones: 5×03 “High Sparrow”

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King’s Landing

Margaery and Tommen have finally been wed. And then consummated their marriage immediately. Something to think about: book!Tommen is 9 and does not consummate his relationship. I thought they would have aged him up a bit more in the show, but nope he’s supposed to be 12. Yeah…..

Margaery is already on her manipulation warpath, trying to convince Tommen to send his loving, doting mother Cersei away to Casterly Rock where she belongs. This plan seems to be working since Tommen actually suggests it to Cersei. She, of course, would never leave him in the clutches of the Tyrells to face King’s Landing alone. Cersei goes to chat with Margaery, but her thorns are out with some rage-inducing lines such as:

  • “Can we bring you anything to eat or drink? I wish we had some wine for you, it’s a bit early in the day for us.”
  •  “What can I expect? Tommen is half-lion, half-stag.”
  • “What is the proper way to address you now? Queen Mother or Dowager Queen?”
  • “Judging from the king’s enthusiasm, the Queen Mother will be the Queen grandmother soon!”

I’m surprised that Cersei didn’t behead her right then and there. Instead, she kept her cool. Proud of you, Cers.

Unrest continues in King’s Landing with the sparrows causing drama. They find the High Septon in a brothel, beat him, and force him to walk naked through the streets. (That will become important later on, so remember that moment.) The High Septon comes to Cersei to beg for justice and the High Sparrow’s head. But she throws him in the dungeon and seems to like the High Sparrow quite a lot. Hmm…

Braavos

Arya is behind the walls of the House of Black and White, but is unsatisfied with her progress to become a faceless man. All she’s done is sweep, watch people die in front of the gods, and get beat up by the other servant girl. Jaquen reminds her that she is still holding on to the pieces of Arya. And to become No One, she has to let Arya Stark go. So, she dumps her belongings into the sea. But not Needle… She fought so hard to get her sword back, she just couldn’t let it go. Instead, she thankfully stows it away in a secret place. I have a feeling that Jaquen knows she did this since he seems to have eyes everywhere, but who knows.

The Wall

Jon Snow is getting used to becoming the Lord Commander. He names his series-long enemy Alliser Thorne as First Ranger. This pleases him greatly. When Jon tries to send cowardly Janos Slynt to rebuild another castle along the Wall, he outright defies him and insults him. As the Lord Commander, he has to punish those that disobey his orders, so that everyone will respect him. He commands his men to take him to the chopping block. Alliser Thorne even lets them through to do it, even though Janos was his bud. Janos begs for mercy at the last moment, but Jon chops his head right off. That’ll teach ya. Stannis nods and grinds his teeth in approval from afar.

Across the Narrow Sea

Tyrion is getting stir crazy from his travels with Varys and demands they run around the slaver town for a bit. They find themselves in a brothel with many beautiful ladies and a Daenerys cosplayer. His pretty words work well on one of the women, but when she is ready to seal the deal, he can’t bring himself to do it. Shae’s death is probably still too near to his heart and mind. At least, we hope he feels some remorse for what he did to her. She, after all, did what she did out of fear, not for hatred of him. Anyway, he goes to use the potty and gets snatched by Jorah Mormont, effectively skipping over about 10 book chapters of his travels and escapades.

It’s no wonder they’re catching up to the books so quickly when they skip over lots and lots of material.

On the Road

All I can do is grumble about this. But Littlefinger wants Sansa to marry Ramsay Bolton and grrr, that is awful. She could be safely in the Vale, having a grand ol’ time with her new friends and flirting with cute knights, but NOPE. The show just wants to torture her some more with another shitty marriage. Alrighty.

Uhh, at least she’s home, I guess? Looked like she was maybe staying in Catelyn’s old room.

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Stephanie Reads Buffy the Vampire Slayer: Season 10 Issue #14

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To get to the bottom of who is controlling Spike and making him kill humans or killing humans and making Spike think he did it, they decide to do a magical mind walk. Reminded me of both when Buffy was catatonic and Willow went into her mind and when Faith strolled through Angel’s mind to help him fight off Angelus.

Because both Giles and Willow need to stay grounded to work their mojo, they decide to send Buffy in to Spike’s mind.

This worries the new couply couple considering what Spike was pre-soul and pre-chip. But Buffy tries to keep in mind that Spike is not a monster anymore.

But what does she find when she enters his mind? Blood and horrors? Rainbows and sunshine? Demons and monsters? Cute kittens and puppies? (Actually, yes, to the kittens.)

Pick up the latest issue on Dark Horse or at your local comic book store to find out what happens!

Stephanie Watches Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.: 2×18 “The Frenemy of My Enemy”

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This episode brought me a lot of joy and anxiety. Fitz in a suit! Ward is back! Cal is precious! Everything is stressful! Ahhhhh!

Coulson, Fitz, Deathlok, and Hunter are trying to find Skye and track down the real threat that’s targeting powered people: HYDRA. But to do that, they need to recruit an old foe. “Hey, sweetie,” Coulson says to Ward in one of the greatest moments in the episode. Hee. Coulson says he’ll let Ward walk after he helps out if goes through the TAHITI process to take all the badness out of his head. But everything Ward has been through with Garrett and HYDRA are what makes Ward….Ward. But in order to save himself and Agent 33, Ward agrees.

With Deathlok and a somewhat compliant Bakshi, they send them in to meet with the HYDRA dudes.

Back at the Inhuman ranch, Skye is having second thoughts about sending her dad away. She actually enjoyed having dinner with her family, but also knows how dangerous Cal can be. He spared nothing to put his wife back together and find Skye. Finally having his family all in one place, only to have them taken away again could destroy him and cause him to destroy others. As a SHIELD agent, Skye can’t let him hurt other people. Jiaying tries to tell her that other people are no longer her responsibility, but she can’t agree. So, she offers to go with him to get him settled in.

Cal is super excited about his father/daughter date and takes her down memory lane in Milwaukee, WI, showing her how she could have grown up. He is extremely precious, nervous, and giddy and gets her some ice cream. Ugh, it was so cute and hurt me deeply. He may be a dangerous man, but he would clearly never hurt Skye. He just wants to get their life back on track. He just wants to be a family.

While on the HYDRA plane, they get a reading on a teleportation in Milwaukee (Gordon transporting Skye and Cal), so they head after them. Coulson and co. on their quinjet follow suit.

Everything starts to converge! Cal finds out that Skye isn’t staying. HYDRA comes in ready to find the powered person. Lincoln shows up because he’s been watching Skye and Cal the whole time. Bobbi and SHIELD are on the heels after Skye called May for help. Lincoln and Deathlok fight it out. HYDRA guys capture Lincoln and Deathlok. Hunter and 33 fight off HYDRA guys and he gets shot. Coulson and Ward fight off HYDRA guys. Ward saves Coulson.

And then they finally run in to Skye! Skye is clearly confused to see Ward, but earnestly cries out for Coulson. Until Gordon shows up. Cal latches on and all three of them disappear! Coulson and Ward both look devastated. And so am I. And I am out of breath from thinking about how much happened! Whew!

Cal is definitely not having the….

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Other things:

  • Fitz shaking and ready to take out Ward! Ahhhhh. It’s okay, bb. I know you’ve been hurt. And poo on you, Ward, for antagonizing him.
  • “He’s a cyborg with rockets in his arms.”
    “No, he’s a SHIELD agent…with rockets in his arms.”
  • SKYE SAID HER WHOLE NAME: DAISY JOHNSON!!!
  • “You are a lot of things, but boring is not one of them.”
  • May and Jemma looked like they were about to puke when they saw Coulson and Ward working together. I can’t imagine what’s going through their minds, except more and more betrayal and confusion.
  • “I’m a friend of Skye’s.”
    “Sure, and I’m the Hulk.”
  • Not a huge fan of Ward/33. I have a feeling that poor girl is gonna get hurt because he’s SO not over Skye.
  • “Take me to your leader.”

Stephanie Watches Game of Thrones: 5×02 “The House of Black and White”

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Alright, prefacing this by saying yeah, I’m totally one of those bitter book readers. I really try to think of the show and the books as two separate entities now that they’ve run out of material for some characters. But it’s very hard. So, please bear with me as my bitterness may come out in these reviews. Just a warning because I think some things they’re doing is super duper dumb when they still have cool stuff in the material they could use. But at least Cersei and Arya seem to be on the right track.

Braavos

Arya was missing from the first episode because she was making her way to Braavos to the House of Black and White. She has her little Valar Morghulis coin, but the hooded man initially denies her entry. So, she spends the day or two just sitting outside. This apparently means she was devoted enough to hang around, so the hooded man comes out to let her inside. And when his hand passes over his face, he is revealed to be Jaqen H’ghar…or the Faceless Man or Kindly Man.

King’s Landing

The Dornish are sending threats to Cersei, so naturally she fears for the safety of her daughter, Myrcella, who was sent away to live at Sunspear a few years prior. And since Oberyn Martell was killed, his lady friend Ellaria and his daughters are none too pleased about it.

So, not wanting to deal with her relationship drama with Jaime, she sends him off to go retrieve Myrcella. Jaime recruits Bronn and the two go off on a totally non-book related adventure.

Dorne

We finally get to see Dorne, something I was very much looking forward to until they decided to completely get rid of Arianne’s character. You know, the POV character for all of the goings-on at Dorne. But, okay, fine. I guess Ellaria is taking her place. And as someone who has spent much time with Oberyn, who abhors the killing of children, she tells Prince Doran they gotta kill Myrcella. Because that makes sense.

Book!Ellaria wants nothing more than to be done with the Lannisters because she fears for the safety of her own daughters (The Sandsnakes), the only part of Oberyn she has left. But TV!Ellaria is all about starting a war.

On the Road

Brienne and Pod are dining when they run into Sansa and Littlefinger. Brienne tries to convince her to come with her, that she made a vow to her mother to take her home. But they both notice her fancy Lannister sword and point out that hey, her mom is actually dead, so your vow doesn’t mean anything. Sansa is clearly very bitter that this lady let her family down, so she decides to go with Creeperfinger instead.

There’s what Westeros would deem a high speed chase through the woods, but Sansa still gets away.

This is the first instance of something really dumb. What are Brienne and Pod going to do now? Oh hey, maybe they should incorporate a CERTAIN character so that their stuff gets back on track. Maybe? Yeah? No, I know. Sigh.

The Wall

Stannis offers Jon Snow to become Jon Stark, something he’s always wanted. But he’s forever devout to the Night’s Watch. And when it comes time to choose a new Lord Commander, he wins the vote! Yay! Suck it, everybody else. Especially Alliser Thorne.

Across the Narrow Sea

Hizdahr Zo Loraq just won’t shut up about the damn fighting pits. He says the Sons of the Harpy will just keeping killing if she doesn’t open them up. They end up capturing one of these Sons, but she doesn’t know what to do with him. Ser Barristan advises her not to kill every single person that defies her or she’ll end up like the Mad King. So, she agrees to give him a trial, but one of her loyal peeps decides to take matters in to his own hand and kills him in the night. He thought he was doing his Mhysa a favor, but Dany is piiiiissed.

She has no choice but to make an example of him in front of a crowd of all her children begging for his mercy. But when Dany makes a choice, she doesn’t back down. Soooo, off with his head! Bam! Her kids aren’t happy. Damn, she can’t keep anyone happy. Her dragons are mad and now all her kids. Being queen is hard, guys.

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Other things:

  • Sup Drogon. Maybe you should go rescue your brothers.
  • Varys and Tyrion are still traveling in their hot little hut. And having more depressing conversations.
  • Why are they even bothering to have Sansa’s hair a dark color if they’re just going to reveal who she is all the time? Arrrgh!
  • Just a thought, I wish the place they’d gotten food had been the same place HOT PIE worked. I miss Hot Pie.
  • Jaime looks like he is about to ride off on a motorcycle or commandeer a ship. I need his shaggy hair back because he’s looking a little too modern.